Friday, January 29, 2010

Political correctness activists want to replace the term 'politically incorrect' with 'politically differently correct'.

Crusaders for political correctness in everyday communication have proved that nothing escapes their notice – they are now insisting that the term 'politically incorrect' should be replaced with 'politically differently correct'.

“Who are we to judge something and label it as 'incorrect' ? It is cruel . .er . . I mean, differently kind, and completely unwarran . . er . .ah . . . differently warranted.”, said political correctness activist Venu Kapoor, struggling to stay within the bounds of political correctness herself.

“We declare that it is politically differently correct to call something 'politically incorrect'. ”, she explained, cleverly avoiding recursion by resorting to ridiculous nomenclature. She then left in a hurry to meet her lawyers, to get her name changed legally to Venu Kadifferentlyrich. “Sounds vaguely Russian, no? Exotic.”, she quipped.

“Jeez. What next? Will they suggest that we say 'differently identical' as opposed to 'different' ?” asked wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, effortlessly bringing recursion back into focus. “This has got to stop. Or, if you'd prefer, 'differently continue'.”, he winked, pleased at his snippet debut.

 'The Next Kapil Dev', the talented but differently consistent cricketer who was often accused of differently blooming under pressure.

Of course, the usual suspects have quickly pounced on the opportunity, and tried to gain some mileage for themselves.

“Agreed. Now Pakistan should be called 'Different India'.” said a suitably hysterical Arnab Goswami, wiping beads of sweat that were forming on his brow, while ignoring those that were forming on his upper-lip. He also later admitted that he saw no need to wear pants, since he mostly appeared on camera only from torso upwards.

“I'm not guilty. I am merely 'differently innocent'.”, said Amir Ajmal Kasab, between insisting that he was in fact also Robert DeNiro, an electric hamster, and the gunman on the grassy knoll.

“Hereafter, Mac snobs can't hurt the feelings of Windows losers . . er . . users. We'll have to refer to them as 'different Mac users'. Damn. Not the same.” rued Priya Krishnan, cancelling her plans to pre-order the iPad in disgust.

This development clearly indicates how far the whole 'political correctness' movement has come, a far cry from when they used to merely object to fairly derogatory terms such as 'Nigger', 'Disabled' and 'Ajit Agarkar', insisting on substituting them with terms like 'African American', 'Differently Abled' and 'Next Kapil Dev'.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Aamir Khan upstages SRK, gets Solar Crater named after him.

World-famous Bollywood superstar Aamir Khan, in his well-documented eagerness to always outdo fellow superstar Shah Rukh Khan, has responded to SRK's latest claim to fame by attempting to get a Solar Crater™ named after him.

“Yes. Everyone knows that the sun pwns the stupid moon. Hence I'm having one of my fans name a crater on the surface of the sun named after me. I rule. And I'm not interested in awards – my fans' recognition means everything to me”, said a beaming Aamir Khan, quickly hiding his copy of 'More Tell Me Why' behind his back. When someone pointed out that the sun actually didn't have a surface, he retorted "Rubbish. I've read Gray's Astronomy. I know all about planets."

He also revealed that he plans to have his name changed to 'Aamir Khan Khan'. “That way, I'll always be twice the Khan Shah Rukh Khan (not to be confused with Khan Abdul Gaffar Khan) is.”,he winked, before adding “Everyone knows that Khan pwns Rukh as a middle-name anyway.”

“Anyway, he refers to himself as King Khan. He should actually be Rukh Khan. King – Rukh. Like that random 'castling' move in Chess!”, he grinned, dipping into the copy of 'Children's Knowledge Bank' he had on the table.

“This is all a mistake! The truth is that one of the craters on Shah Rukh's make-up less skin was so large, I jokingly called it the moon. The press is to blame for the mix-up.”, said an agitated Gauri Khan, instantly leading to a barrage of hate-messages on twitter aimed at Rajdeep Sardesai and Barkha Dutt.

In related news, there is no truth to the rumours that one of the craters on Moon Moon Sen has been named after former president A.P.J.Abdul Kalam.

Note : This post is part of an experiment to treat the same subject of satire in three different ways. There's a cartoon here and a short story here.