Monday, February 09, 2009

Muthalik's offer of performing free marriage ceremonies delights young couples facing opposition from parents.

by Anand Ramachandran, with hat tips to Aditya Khanna, Sumant Srivatsan and Aravind Murali - all three unshakeable pillars of Indian culture.

Shri Ram Sene leader Pramod Muthalik's promise to seek out romancing couples on Valentine's day and get them forcibly married has found unexpected support among young couples whose parents are opposing their marriages.


“Our deepest thanks to Mr.Muthalik. Our parents have been opposing our marriage plans, but now all we need to do is step out and hold hands on Valentine's Day, and our dear friends from the Shri Ram Sene will help us get married. Hooray! Jai Shri Ram!”, said an excited Sankalesh Jimmy, and quickly dashed away to locate a pretty girl whose parents would find him objectionable. "Hahaha - any parents who oppose our marriage will just have to deal with the Sene! Perfect!", he muttered to himself, even as the idea spread like a virus with a particularly hasty agenda.


“Oops! Didn't think of that!”, said Mr.Muthalik, and vanished in a puff of embarrassment.




Shri Ram Sene supremo Pramod Muthalik engages in a rap battle with rap superstar 50-cent, to convince the rapper to change is name to 50-Paise, in accordance with Indian culture. The fact that 50-Cent is not an Indian apparently makes no difference to Shri Muthalik.



“Hahahaha, what an idiot!”, said an amused Tony Chacko, returning to Son of Bosey due to increasing public pressure. “ What will he do if he finds married couples romancing publicly? Get them married again?”


“Oops! Didn't think of that!”, said Mr.Muthalik, and vanished again, this time in a puff of growing discomfort.


“It's a great innovation by Muthalikji, and I'd take my hat off to him, if I wore one.”, said opposition leader L.K.Advani. “He's found a way for dealing with young people who are facing opposition from their parents. Now, if only he would come up with a similar solution for young people whose parents are in the opposition. And for opposition members whose parents are young people. And for people who are the parents of a young opposition. ”, he signed off, running out of viable permutations.


“Grrr. Here we go again.”, said Mr.Muthalik, and vanished for the third and hopefully final time, in a puff of surrender. He was subsequently seen eating his way out from under a mountain of pink lingerie.


Mr.Muthalik and the Shri Ram Sene have, through their antics, caused predictable ripples throughout the nation, with everybody whipping out rolled-up copies of their personal agendas and leaping joyfully into a racuous and jolly melee.


“Who is Muthalik to tell women how to behave? We shall throng the pubs. We shall drain our mugs. We shall frequent clubs. Screw Muthalik and his thugs !”, said Minister for Something Related to Women Renuka Choudhary, using rap-style lyrics to quickly to establish herself as the politician of choice for cool people. “Gee, I hope the hip set votes for me now!”, she thought to herself, unable to hide a smirk.


“Who the fuck are these hardliners to fucking tell us how to fucking behave in fucking pubs? Fuck all of them. We're the fucking kvtl sh1t3! Youngsters are teh_r0xx0rrrzzz”, screamed MTV roadies creator Raghu Ram on TV, effortlessly strengthening his brand image as the iconic representative of today's youth (or at least the ones who express themselves by gratuitous swearing).


“All these things are against Indian culture. Being happy, acting kindly towards others, loving everyone regardless of religion or caste, tolerating differences and being generally intelligent and reasonable have no place in Indian culture!”, barked a spokesman for the hardline loonies who support Muthalik and his ilk, effectively stating that “Indian culture is against Indian culture.” He also expressed the view that his organization would continue to oppose things such as pubs, women, women who go to pubs, lolcats, laptops, lolcats who use laptops, ball-point pens, all versions of Super Mario Bros, VGA connectors, electric shavers and adhesive tape – since none of these were mentioned directly in the Vedas.



Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot has mistakenly called for a ban on Culture Club, leaving club culture safe for the moment. This is bad news for all those who insist on singing 'Karma Chameleon' whenever anyone shows up at a party with a guitar.


Sources have revealed that Rajasthan CM Ashok Gehlot has mistakenly declared a war against Culture Club instead of club culture, leading to an unprecedented burning of Boy George effigies across the state. “Hahahaha! His name is gay lot!”, said a nearby youth, before busying himself by attempting to destroy India's culture by indulging in some of Rajasthan's finest.


In related news, videogame giant CAPCOM has announced that their next game will be titled 'Resident Evil : Pub Culture', where the protagonist, the last remaining pub patron in a dystopian future, will have to fight off hordes of crazed saffron fundamentalists - armed only with a rolled-up copy of the Human Rights Act of 1993. Sounds like fun - and wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, in the nick of time, will be looking forward to the release.

45 comments:

Susa said...

oh my God, rotfl! lol! The video game part was hilarious. Although giving up the legendary crowbar will be sad, the chance to face creatures unseen in the virtual world till date makes up for it :)

Jugal said...

LMFAO! You are the true SHITE! :D

Anonymous said...

peelo, says word verification. who am i to argue?

Anna Bond said...

hahahaha... absolutely hilarious!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

varali - hahahahahaha peelo! this is too funny! looks like the man upstairs has a better sense of humour than his Sene!

Narendra shenoy said...

ROFL!

woenvu said...

hahahaha.

oh, maybe the basic weapon in RE: Pub Culture could be a swizzle stick.

and graduate to things like empty, broken beer bug and later on, molotov cocktails..

Marc said...

Totally hilarious post!

Anonymous said...

i bow to thee :D

priya krishnan said...

We should invent a pink alcoholic drink called 'Mutha-lick' in his honor....
all the women of india should toast to him and drink on Feb 14th while they make out with arbid men.....
it should be fun.....

Unknown said...

I played Resident Evil (Pub Culture) on my xbox360: I was so bad that I got married 4 times and tied 3 rakhis in the novice level itself.

Anonymous said...

Oh hai. I can haz mangal sutra? *cue cute cat*

How dare he ban lolcats? I mean, he was being sensible and attempting to ban this silly tolerant nonsense, but banning lolcats iz 2 much.

kthxbye

visesh said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Nishanth said...

thanks for the heads up!..Didnt wanna get married so soon :D

ROFL post as usual..!!!.Does Resident Evil:Pub Culture come out for PSP??... :P

Rohan said...

Hehe, serves the mutha-lickas right. :P

Mahadevan said...

"Can 'Manglik' girls and boys look up to Muthalik for support"? asks a desparate looking father.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

hahaha - mutha-licker! It's ironic - 'mother liquor' is the stuff from which all booze is derived!

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Okay, the excuse of S.U.Saravanakumar not commenting because of the paucity of full-length posts does not apply here - this post was fuller than a Glenn McGrath yorker at Perth.

We want S.U.S.! We want S.U.S.!

The Mudd said...

"running out of viable permutations" is a killer.
I'm sure if 50 Cent doesn't change the second half of his name, he will be forced to change the first part, in true Indian spirit, to Inde :)

no signal said...

Stunning as usual. Renuka Chaudhauri rap cool minister.. hehe..

BTW today came across beloved Saravana Kumar..
LINK: http://www.hindu.com/yw/2009/02/10/stories/2009021050291100.htm

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

chuck - what????? he's there, isn't he? looking forward to RE - PC?

no signal - hahahaha - that pic is world-renowned, just like the man himself. Thanks for proving to our readers that we don't just make up fictional characters just to get some sound bytes. We're the real deal ;)

idris baxamusa said...

n now this...
http://thepinkcondomcampaign.blogspot.com


my my... how to make these guys understand?????

Saurabh said...

fantabulous work ppl..hats off..!

SRK said...

and the article on Saravana Kumar even has a quote: "Wildlife photography is all about being there when things happen."

well, the man is sure there when things happen at Bosey!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! Definitely bookmarking this! Keep up the good work!

Spiritual Sherpa said...

Hi guys...great stuff u have here...

If you get a chance see this site...you will be surprised.

http://karmicsoliloquy.blogspot.com/

Cheers...

Anonymous said...

Also, in an unprecedented (I think) event, the word 'fuck' makes an appearance on Son of Bosey.

Anonymous said...

Back to form. Roping in boy george,culture club...haha..omg..sheer brilliance..the raghu bit..genius..disappointed it's only a bit.

Unknown said...

Aawwesomee....

Anonymous said...

alright so this really happened
http://news.in.msn.com/national/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1821903

-Craig

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. This has to be one of your best. Free marriage ceremonies between Hindus and Muslims are welcome for a country like India. Maybe Muthalik's half-assed tactics can win back some of our secularism, ironically.

Anonymous said...

:D

Your reputation does precede you. A riot!

BTW did these guys consult any brand-naming cos. before they called themselves Mutha-lik and Gandaghalekar?! :O I'm amazed at how er..fitting the names are, esp. for the pink campaign in question.

-g

Anonymous said...

Great piece! Especially loved the part with hatless Advani.

Vinayak said...

One couple actually took advantage of this --

http://epaper.dnaindia.com/epapermain.aspx?queryed=20&eddate=2/15/2009

Kedar said...

hey..

when in mumbai, i did come across 'pannaas paish' (translates to 50 paise), a marathi rap artist!

indian culture?

Anonymous said...

why muthalik and co r hell bent on some non-issue. And also the english media which normally is not bothered abt real issues.
My suggestion to Mr.Muthalik- Fight for serious issues which r in Karnataka. Like jobs for Kannadigas, step motherly treatment of central govt towards Karnataka, Indian railways have become Bihar and TN railways. All these issues r real issues. why can't fight for these issues. You will be a real hero in Karnataka and among Kannadigas.

Anonymous said...

LOL ! I would like to play the GTA 5 :Ram Sene... Going around thrashing people, randomly marrying off the beach babes and generally hitting the crap out of people with trishuls ! yay !

You are an inspiration dude :)

Kartik said...

Please tell me you are working on a hair-raising article about Harsha Bhogle's new tufts.

Pretty please!

Anonymous said...

Nice but plagiarised.

http://indiauncut.com/iublog/article/pramod-muthalik-master-satirist/

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

anonymous :

Plagiarised! OMG! Amit Verma is going to force me to pay for the booze next time ;) Lucky Sumant - he always benefits ;)

In case you were wondering - I don't plagiarize. The idea itself isn't very novel in the first place - lots of guys must have thought of it. If you noticed, Herr.Varma and myself have both treated it rather differently.

Ramya said...

hilarious!!!

Raman Jit Singh Chima said...

This is truly, truly stunning :-) The ending touch with the rolled-up copy of the Human Rights Act had me in splits!

Anonymous said...

sodino lodo o su karo cho

Anonymous said...

fffffffffffffffffffffgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahjjjjjjjjjjj

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Amazing. A year on, and this post still retains freshness and relevance. Anand, you must seriously thank people like Muthalik for making asses of themselves year after year!