Monday, March 31, 2008

P.James makes P.C.Sorcar Disappear!

by Anand Ramachandran, based on an idea by the one and only Aditya Khanna (Mr.Jolly to friends), who is probably the funniest guy alive.

In a stunning and unexpected manoeuvre, renowned Chennai magician P.James has made world famous fellow magician P.C.Sorcar Jr. disappear!

Left : P.C.Sorcar, before being made to disappear by P.James, waves to the camera (not in picture).
Right : P.C.Sorcar (not in picture), after being made to disappear by P.James (also not in picture).

As the grand finale of his appearance at Spencer Plaza in Chennai, P.James flabbergasted the gathered audience when, with a wave of his wand, and uttering his trademark “Giligiligiligili”, he made P.C.Sorcar vanish into thin air. He then proceeded to giggle helplessly and proclaim “Paarunga! Peecee Sarkaar Saar full vanish ayitaaru! Escaaaaaaaype!”, eliciting thunderous applause from the children and adults gathered.

“What??!! Impossible!!?? Where's my husband? Where is P.C.Sorcar ? “, wailed a distraught Mrs.P.C.Sorcar (of P.C.Sorcar fame). “Oh, no! James has made him disappear from my previous quote itself! His magic is too powerful!”, she trailed off, before leaving to a 'gold covering works' shop on Pondy Bazaar to place a bulk order for zari.

The finale suddenly brought the show to life, as until then the audience had to make do with James producing an assortment of 'jigna' party decorations from an assortment of containers, displaying a comatose python, and making filter coffee using his assistant's head as a stove. In fact the highlight up to that point was when James erroneously referred to the fountain on the ground floor of Phase 1 as a 'swimming pool'.

“This tops everything. David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. P.C.Sorcar made a train disappear. But no one has yet made another magician disappear! James rules!”, said a delighted Jai Shankar Iyer, a budding magician himself. “I wonder what he will make disappear next?”, he added, before suddenly vanishing from sight.

“I fondly remember the early days of K.Lal, P.C.Sorcar, and P.M.Mitra with much fondness. They used to perform at Kalaivanar Arangam, and I used to happily eat lollipops and watch them dress up in gold zari based suits and speak in weird accents”, reminisced Mansi Gandhi,a regular visitor to magic shows, as her eyes misted over. She also needlessly added that, apart from magic shows, she also used to enjoy Amar Circus, the Aquarium, and the Trade Fair at Island grounds.

Magicians K.Lal (Left. Or is it right?) and Jr.K.Lal (Right. Or is it left?) express their evil delight that after P.C.Sorcar's disappearance, they, and not him, will be the zari supplier's preferred customers. Muhahahahahaha.

“Amazing. Making famous things disappear is an essential part of a magician's repertoire.”, said wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar. “Now, if someone would only make Lalit Modi disappear, eh?”, he quipped, displaying his now familiar sardonic wit.

Ayyo! James saar soopera magic pannirukkaru !”, said little known magician JMK Disco Raja, ensuring that google searches for his name would no longer return irrelevant results. “Vaanga childrens - ippo yellam sendhu trade fairukku polaam! Come On!”, he chirrupped, clapping his hands together and smiling at a few puzzled toddlers in the audience.

Shortly after the event, James was mobbed by autograph hunters – who were thrilled that instead of signing autographs, he merely inscribed his iconic “P.James Magic Show : 4850239” advertisement on their notepads, photographs, currency notes, and breasts.

United States president George W.Bush officially inaugurates the addition of "P.James Magic Show - 9841072571" to Mt.Rushmore.

P.James, however, is not resting on his laurels. “I am already beginning preparations for my world tour. I also plan to inscribe my famous 'P.James Magic Show : 9841072571' ad on famous landmarks such as The Cheops Pyramid, the Maracana Stadium and Mt.Rushmore.”, said the magician. “Oh . . sorry . . . almost forgot! Giligiligiligili! ”, he added, hurriedly waving his wand and bringing back a harassed looking, but relieved P.C.Sorcar.

“Oh, well. It's good to be back! But I must say it's quite jolly in that parallel dimension – you won't believe the things I saw there! There was Atlantis, Subhash Chandra Bose, Elvis, several UFOs, all those ships that disappeared in Bermuda, the Loch Ness Monster . . . it's amazing! There was also a strange reddish purple motorcycle without keys!”, he said excitedly. “I felt like that cow in Magical Trevor”, he added, to the surprise of weebl fans in the audience.

The incident has also caused many ripples among other people with the initials P.C.

“This is quite a relief. I'm glad he didn't make me disappear! Not much voiceover work in the parallel dimension. Hyok!”, said noted voiceover guy and theatre personality P.C.Ramakrishna. “Since the mid eighties, P.James has been known for his visiBILITY. His sustainaBILITY. His marketaBILITY.”, he went on, slipping into corporate film voiceover mode, and emphasizing the correct syllables in his impeccable style.

“Mrrmmphss ssmrrffmps frrsssshmmpf”, said award-winning cinematographer P.C.Sreeram, demonstrating his well known mumbling skills. When contacted for his comments, animation industry veteran P.C.Vikram merely said “I'll call you back.” Illustrator P.C.Malavika was unavailable for comment, as she had gone to her friend's house.

When we last heard from P.James, he was approving layouts for his latest ad, which seemed to contain the words “”. Could it be ?

Important note from editor : A reader, in the comments section, has suggested that we are guilty of plagiarism. The original article is here Apart from assuring my readers that I have never read this article (which is quite entertaining, btw) before, and that I never plagiarize, I will let you decide for yourself. Read the two posts and decide for yourself. Thanks - Anand