Friday, August 15, 2008

Natraj enters computer peripherals market – introduces keyboard with 'Bonded Lead', Digital 'Ink Rubbers'!

by Anand Ramachandran, who got the idea from Ravi Abburi's magnificient Natraj obsession.

World renowned stationery manufacturer Natraj of Natraj Pencils fame has introduced a range of new products aimed at modern youngsters who use computers far more often than good ole pen and paper. The new range of products include a computer keyboard with their trademark 'Bonded Lead', a digital 'Ink Rubber', and a mysterious device known simply as 'coorpener'.









Vinay Nilakantan, cleverly disguised as Morgan Freeman, demonstrates the stunning uses of the new Bonded-Lead Keyboard from Natraj. The effects of the coorpener are clearly seen in the inset.


“We have always been a forward-thinking company. Hence we must change with the times and introduce products that are in tune with today's technology”, said a man known simply as 'Dharani'. “ Hooray! Now we can make a whole new bunch of animated ads that will depict our products as cutesy-pie cricket stumps, olympic athletes, and other assorted objects, and be remembered fondly for generations to come”, he added, before trotting off to the nearest Ogilvy and Mather for a pointless 'brainstorming session'.


The products have caused a lot of confusion among the general public, who are yet to figure out how they work or what they actually do. Natraj sales personnel have been stationed (heh heh) at various stationery (heh heh) outlets to demonstrate and explain the products.


“Look. This keyboard has bonded lead ! It won't break when you sharpen it !”, said well known technology guru Vinay Nilakantan, catching on quick as usual. “It's much better than legacy keyboards!”, he cooed happily. “What's more, you can actually write with it like a normal pencil – very useful during power cuts!”, he added.


The digital 'Ink Rubber' also stays true to its traditional media roots – it's a dull-pink and muddy-blue device that replaces the Backspace key on a normal keyboard, and actually scrapes away the surface of your monitor as it makes corrections. It also lacks 'scent' , and tastes like sawdust (er . . not that I would know, of course . . ). When someone asked the Natraj representative to explain why such a ridiculous product would be successful, he shot back “You first explain why people bought Ink Rubbers in the first place! Don't tell us how to do our job!”, with a blend of belligerence and stupidity that would have made an Airtel or HDFC Bank employee proud.









The new e-Ink Rubber from Natraj. Apparently, they are also working on a version that resembles a broken Topaz blade.


Perhaps the product that was most amazing was the 'Coorpener', which is actually a kind of 'Keyboard Sharpener'. After putting a keyboard through this strange device, the salesman then proceeded to demonstrate it's efficacy by touching one of its corners to his cheek and saying “Mmmmm. Cooooorp.”, to the stunned gathering. He also said that alternate methods of sharpening a keyboard, such as rubbing it repeatedly on a concrete floor, were useless.


“Yes, it will take some time for the consumers to figure out our new product range. After all, most of them still haven't figured out the real difference between 'Camel' and 'Camlin'! So they can't be all that bright, eh? Har Har!”, said a man known simply as “Moorthy”.


“It's good to see old companies like Natraj come out with such innovative products”, observed wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar. “Now, if only they'd bring out that long-awaited USB Protractor!”, he said, expressing the feelings of millions of geometry enthusiasts throughout the nation. “It's pronouned Geomentry!” said a stern Kishore Manohar, playing an unusual editing role on Son of Bosey.


Not to be left behind, Camlin have announced their own range of competing products, such as a Geometry Box that is graduated in pixels instead of inches, high resolution ink, and touch-screen blotting paper. Exciting times for stationery buffs.

24 comments:

Arjun Sharma said...

Amazingly funny! Though you made us wait for one month for an update, this was worth the wait. Brilliant.

What the hell is that keyboard anyway? The one in the e-Ink Rubber picture. It has phi in it. I would like that keyboard.

Anonymous said...

Anand, excellent stuff as usual. I love your eye for subtleties which adds to the effect of humour. Also you have a way of bringing back a bit of nostalgia. :-)

Please take a look at my latest humour article as well and let me know what you think.

Anonymous said...

Harharhar

Natraj is te Bustest!

(wish I had the I-nk rubber on that line above)

btw, your wordveri says koibjp :P

Jugal said...

LMFAO!

What next? Vimal Notebooks come out with a 100-pg 'notebook'? Whitened surface, created by sugar pulp thus saving the environment!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Arjun -er . . no idea. Just some random keyboard that turned up while image hunting.

Hari - whizzing across to your site now.

Jugal - yeah. Also perhaps Nirma will delight us with 'computer detergents'. Bring back Sangeetha Bijlani! No, wait . . .

visesh said...

i want a keyboard with geometry set.

speaking about erasers, what about those incredibly perfumed chinese erasers, actually they were already in the indian market way back then, we were too slow to realise.

Mahadevan said...

Brilliant.

Nine years old Gondhu wants to know whether the digital ink rubber would be as tasty the pink coloured one at the bottom of Natraj Pencil.

Ravages/CC said...

Now, one product I want is Brill & Chepark Digital Ink technology for TFT monitors

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Hahaha - A for . . Apple! B for . . . yosikkavae vendam - Bril ink!

Anyone remembers that Chelpark used to be called Quink earlier?

Anonymous said...

I solemnly swear that I have religiously eaten scent rubbers all my life and have torn several pages with the wicked round ink rubber with a metallic center. I have also played book cricket with a compass and owned half a supermax blade to sharpen pencils and keerify pen nibs!

visesh said...

A few posh guys even had the world famous "Oxford" geometry set, not to forget the posh compass and divider.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Visesh - I am ashamed to say that I was one of them - that OXFORD set compass had much smaller needlepoints than those mother-huge Camlin and Natraj ones, which were ideal for poking in the bum - as was ably demonstrated during the Deepak Chordia-David D'Silva incident!!

techrsr said...

Too good! Awesomely funny. Natraj rules. Camlin rocks.

techrsr said...

USB protractor! Hehehehe.

Anonymous said...

Wow, awesome! I am laughing so hard, my eyes are all teary, just like the "ink pena" mistakenly kept in the pocket during the PT period.

@risephoneix, did all that too! I cant forget the metal round ink "rubber", it does not wear down ever. I dont remember using the divider apart from using it to mark my territory in the benches.

BTW, am I the only one who was disappointed with the prizes given for Big Fun runs and wickets collection? Which was the rarest one and the common one? I kept getting Dennis Lillee and Madan Lal.

Anonymous said...

Forgot to add, "Coorrp" LOL!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Oh God!! That diabolical round metal centre based ink rubber was the hardest substance known to man. I'm sure that to cut them into those round shapes, they'd probably have to use another of the rubbers!!

Anonymous said...

Anon1 - Good stuff. You have a eye for subtle humour blah blah.
Now, come and look at my own pathetic attempts at humour in my site
Anon2 - thats awesome, brilliant. I have written a similar article in my site. Please visit.
etc...
(Anand goes to the two sites and manages to stifle the yawns and puts a word or two and comes back, emitting a sigh - so much for being a celebrity.)
Whats this with people claiming "i ave ritten a umourus article"...

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Anonymous - Thanks for dropping by. You're certainly entitled to your opinion - but could I gently request you to be less harsh on other readers? No need to start a flame war - after all, this isn't rediff!!

Anyone is welcome to promote their own humour material here, as long as it stays on topic. And if you don't care for it, isn't it better if you comment and critique on their sites? At least that way the feedback is useful.

Also - I'm no celebrity, mate. No appearances in Mumbai Times, Deccan Chronicle,etc. Unlike Kunal Khemu!!!

Anonymous said...

wattarelief! i have had this secret addiction to rubber shavings. but i now know that some people even eat sawdust!

pinastro said...

what the hell ....why do we need sucha pencil ...are the natraj inc. gone crazy or what

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

pinastro - you are either the world's most skilled purveyor of sarcasm, or just a schmendrick!

Either way - your comment makes me wish I had a 'best comment' award!!

Anonymous said...

Visit your blog often, thoroughly enjoy its wit and humour! This post reminds me of the urban legend/myth (late 70s/ early 80s) about a technique for making a new homemade eraser. You had to mix pencil shavings, milk/water and pieces of old erasers and then dry them out in the sun when you would get a brand new eraser! I tried and was utterly disappointed. I wonder whether school children still do this.

Sirka pyaaz said...

Hahahaha! Brilliantly funny. Youve captured almost every stationery related memory that looks ridiculous in hindsight. Lol. Geomentry boxes. The concrete floor. The pink-blue 'rubber'. Camel vs camlin. I find your site more laugh-out-loud than the onion.