The report has had member countries of the UN, NATO, Commonwealth and The ICC scrambling for their remote controls to see how this will affect world peace and ad revenues. Vista Home Basic has already rendered 87,000 people in Georgia homeless, turned 16 high school teachers into binary digits, incited a typhoon just outside Tokyo and has generally upped the increased the risk of cardiac arrest of over the 200 million users by 47%.
Relatives and friends of Vista users are reportedly suffer from what is being termed Operating System Backlash Suffering & Anguish (OSYBSA) caused by having to listen to millions of sob stories the answer to all of which seems to be “then why don’t you switch to Macs”. This of course does not apply to world famous wildlife photographer and Mac owner S.U.Saravannakumar whose reply was just a beatific smile.
Apparently, the Al-Quaeda has been priming its entire network just to go retail for some time now. “Our 3 pronged strategy is to first promote piracy, then make everyone buy vista, and then when they come crawling back to our call centers with their wimpy complaints of CTS, memory loss and nose bleeds just by trying to connect to wireless networks… that’s when we’ll unleash true terror”, said spokesperson Alstand Atiz, as he herded another 400 call center guys into a small metal room with the Manhattan skyline wallpapered all over it.
Al-Quaeda apparently have already been ‘talking’ to several manufacturers informing them that very soon their products will have to come bundled with the killer OS which makes Anthrax seem as fearsome as an 80’s thrash metal band. It is rumoured that soon even basic devices like Televisions, Toasters, Epilators and Thermos Flasks will become OS driven. “Talk to Osama” is the only answer you get from all Al Quaeda’s call centers in response to further questions in this regard.
Investigations have also revealed that Microsoft has been aiding Al Quaida build a strong base for their terror wars since the days of Windows ME. This reporter was unable to get any interviews as all the people to whom the name was mentioned promptly fainted. To add more fuel to the scandal being known as BillGate, there is also further evidence of the deal in the way the rampaging
It is also being speculated that the IRA was contemplating buying the controlling stake in Corel Draw but that story just refused to get funny.