Saturday, April 07, 2007

BCCI to implement 'Sports Quota' for selection of Indian cricket team; Also suggests 27% reservation for Backward Classes.

by Anand Ramachandran, Malcolm Speed, and Sepp Blatter - leading purveyors of bad ideas.

While most of the ideas emerging from the BCCI's working committee meeting on Friday are by this time well documented, some of the more interesting, and potentially more effective changes being suggested for Indian cricket are only becoming known now.

Of all the suggestions that emerged, the BCCI seems most excited by the idea of having a 'Sports Quota' for selection to the Indian cricket team. “Yes, there should be more opportunity for those who are good at sports to have an equal opportunity to get into the team”, said chairman of selectors Dilip Vengsarkar, inadvertently admitting that this hasn't been the case so far.

Members of the Indian hockey team cheer the announcement of the 'Sports Quota' for Indian cricket team selection - delighted that they, too, will have a fair chance to appear in crappy advertisements, endanger their homes, and be banned from talking to the press.

The newly announced sports quota opens up opportunities for achievers in other sports such as Vishwanathan Anand and A.Sharath Kamal to try out for the Men in Blue. “Who says that cricket is detrimental to other sports? See, now even badminton players can play cricket, endorse Pepsi, and have their effigies burnt”, said BCCI Vice President Lalit Modi, overenthusiastic and hasty as always. “I have been misquoted”, he added, referring to his statement made only moments ago.

The news has been greeted with cheer by athletes across the nation, particularly two guys named Augustine and Lionel from Loyola College, Chennai.

“Yay! Having got into college even though we can't study, now we can get into the Indian team even though we can't play cricket”, said Kumar Chandrasekharan, a noted middle-distance runner at school level. When asked if this would be bad for Indian cricket in general, he replied “Look – if guys like me play on the team, we'll surely lose. Anyway, the team keeps losing. What does it matter which particular group of eleven players loses?”, prompting nods of agreement from reporters chewing on bars of chocolate.

The other major policy to emerge from the meeting also involves team selection – the controversial recommendation to introduce reservations for backward classes.

“We have recommended that 27% of the places in the national team should be reserved for the backward classes. Only then they will improve”, said BCCI president Sharad Pawar, slyly refusing to elaborate on whether the 'improvement' would be seen in the Backward Classes or the Indian team. When asked to explain further, he said “. . . er . . .well . . .ah . . .”, before leaving in a hurry.

“Reservation for backward classes? Well, what do you expect? They are the BC – CI, aren't they?”, quipped Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, showing that he has not lost his penchant for quick-witted repartee.

“Great. I'll be glad to see 2.97 players in every playing eleven from the underprivileged sections of society.”, exclaimed noted maths personality Sheela Shankar, displaying her flair for precise calculations. She also dismissed the possibility that ensuring correct fractional representation from BCs was difficult, arguing that parts of certain players such as Yuvraj Singh's brain and Sachin Tendulkar's elbow, are only fractionally present in the team anyway.

Support for the reservation policy also came, unexpectedly, from the West Indies, with writer B.C.Pires and team captain B.C.Lara expressing their solidarity.

Former England cricketer Gladstone Small, snapped in a happy mood moments before learning the disastrous news that he was short listed for being coach of the Indian team.

In other news, the much discussed short-list for India's next coach includes a surprise new entry – former England opening bowler Gladstone Small. “Indian cricket needs to think big and get Small!”, said a smug BCCI secretary Niranjan Shah, thrilled at his punning skills. “At least, if he fails, the media can't ask for his neck!”, he added, giggling idiotically.

Other recommendations that have been made by the group of former captains include junior team tours to countries like Australia, team tours to junior countries like Canada, junior Australians and Canadian tourists.


Balaji said...

>> "that parts of certain players such as Yuvraj Singh's brain and Sachin Tendulkar's elbow, are only fractionally present in the team"...

super funny :)) one of your best.

-balaji (who is now adding ur blog feed to his Google Reader)

GS said...

Tamil Nadu Chief Minister welcomes the idea with great relish as he now gets to propose 69% reservation or more and call for a few more Bandhs in the state if these are not addressed.Olympians Limba Ram and Jaspal Rana want bowling coach opportunities too so that they can help in accurate bowling.Meanwhile a group of tribesmen from the Nilgiri Hills queue up outside TNCA to check if they could also qualify for a slot.
Small?!We missed(making fun of) him.

Unknown said...

Railway minister's comment :" are bhai hamaar betwa bhi captain ban sakta hai aur ham tu chahat hai ki team ka indian coachwa chahi. Hamhu to coaching de sakate hai."

Mahadevan said...

Indian Hockey team, equally inglorious, stakes a larger claim for the 'Sports quota', citing KPS Gill's innate ability to control militants of "Malinga" variety.

A Nehru/Gandhi in the front, would not have brought this affront, Rahul Gandhi roars in an Amethy corner.

Comrade Ganguli was sidelined by that bourgeosie from Bangalore, Brinda karat argues in the Politburo meeting.

Some corporate competitors conspired against my Jamshedpur boy, Ratan Tata bemoans.

"Small would not permit large pegs", Rajsingh Dungarpur, clarifies to the waiting newsmen.

Jagadish said...

Hmm ... you write about Kumar Chandrasekharan, a middle distance runner at school level. Is there a Vidya Mandir (Mylapore) connection somewhere?

Anand Ramachandran said...


Hah! Well spotted. It is the selfsame Kumchan of whom I speak. You know him from school?

Jagadish said...

Yes. I know him. Was a classmate. How do you know him?

Deepak said...

Amazing article..super funny!!!

byker7 said...


Anonymous said...

Gladstone small = Ananda Kar Kullan