Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bosey's evidence may help in 'Mole' controversy

by Anand Ramachandran, noteworthy mole scientist. Not.

We knew it. We were right! Many years ago, on, our team of intrepid reporters revealed the presence of an international mole gang, with possible operatives in India. You can read that report here.

Now, thanks to Jaswant Singh's perennially open mouth, the whole Mole thing is out in the open (proving that even dweebs like Jaswant Singh have more media reach than Son of Bosey). And everyone from the PMO, to HBO and several BPOs want to know the mole's identity.

The evidence collected by our creative . . er . . investigative team may contain several vital clues as to the identity of the Mole. “Hmmm . . . let's see”, said key investigative youngblood Priya Krishnan, thumbing through a scrapbook full of photographs and mild sauce stains (well? It's an OLD scrapbook, if you must know.) “ There are several possibilities. N.Ram? Manoramma? Aruna Irani? K.R.Vijaya? Who knows? Further scrutiny is required to make a shortlist. Someone needs to take ownership and distribute responsibility to ensure adherence to timelines”, she trailed off, lapsing into more familiar corporate terms when pressurized by eager reporters.

Rober DeNiro was quick to reassure the Indian Government that the suspected mole in the PMO was certainly not his.

“It is well known that international espionage networks communicate through moles”, said non-wildlife photographer Arjun Dogra, filling in for S.U.Saravanakumar, unavailable due to a hectic schedule. “This is why people like Shah Rukh Khan, Navjyot Singh Sidhu and Jai Shankar Iyer are beyond suspicion”, he said, discounting the possibility that the named persons could have moles in other, more discreet places.

Apparently, this Indian concern about naming the mole has confused the international community. “Never thought about naming mine. Interesting idea.”, said world-famous mole owner Robert De Niro. Reliable sources, however, have revealed that Cindy Crawford calls her mole “Wendy”.

Kamal Haasan Continues to Age

by Anand Ramachandran, who also continues to age

World famous acting great Kamal Haasan's ageing process is speeding along merrily, revealed a press release from Raj Kamal films last week. “Kamal is looking olde3r than ever”, beamed a spokesman for the company, somehow managing to use leet in spoken conversation.

A close look at this picture of Kamal reveals wrinkles, sagging skin and evidence of plastic surgery, even on his face!

“Thinning hair – check. Sagging jowls – check. Michael Jackson skin – check.”, said a grinning wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, tongue-in-cheek for once. “I feel he'll shortly begin to resemble Sir Ian McKellen without his Magneto mask.”, he added, making it two invaluable contributions for this article.

Addressing concerns that getting older may prevent the actor from accepting romantic and action-oriented lead roles in the future, noted film critic Sankalesh Jimmy noted “ This hasn't proved to be an obstacle to legends like Dr.Rajkumar, Nageswara Rao, Krishna and the evergreen Chinni Jayanth. So I think Kamal (Grand to friends) is going to be okay”

Grand's (Kamal Haasan's to non-friends) slowly but steadily noticeable ageing process is another indication of an alarming epidemic that seems to have also affected other leading actors Vijaykanth, Tom Hanks and Aamir Khan (who is beginning to look disturbingly like Tom Hanks). The only person completely unaffected by the syndrome appears to be Keith Richards – since science has shown that he cannot possibly get any older.

“Doesn't matter if he's old – I still find him hot.”, said an excited Bindhumalini Narayanaswamy, managing to convey her opinion on Grand and Sean Connery in the same sentence.

Kamal Haasan's comments were too unclear for the Son of Bosey team to comprehend, as they were made in an accent that contained influences from London, Thirunelveli, Burma and The Solomon Islands.