Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Tamil Regional Parties to Launch Rap Band

by Anand Ramachandran, who is certain to be arrested.

In an innovative and refreshing move to identify with the youth, world-famous political parties DMK and MDMK have come together to launch a Hip-Hop band.

"Yoyoyoyoyo - sssupyall! We're looking at a whole new Tamil Rap sound, youknowwhaammsayin", said an excited Vaiko, the band's frontman, to the shock of those gathered at the launch. "With lyrics by Dr.K., the charisma of Stalin, and media strategery by Daya, we can't go wrong. The youths will love us ya. Yeppadi?", he said, lapsing back into his normal accent and raising one eyebrow for effect.

The members of Run DMK pose in front of millions of fans at their official lunch . . er . . . launch (not in picture).

The band, called Run DMK, will release their first album, tentatively titled "Tentative Title", in December this year. "Everyone knows that December is only music season, hence the date", said their media manager, causing panic among hardcore carnatic fans, who finally make a comeback after the Ambi-Mama article.

"Nonsense! This is against Tamil culture and values!" screamed some random DMK guys, before shutting up when someone reminded them that it was their own leaders who were behind the initiative. Their current whereabouts are not known.

"This is a great effort by stalwarts of Tamil Nadu politics to connect with young voters. Now, at last, the youth will have a reason to bake in the sun for hours and indicate to the nation that they are not lazy jerks." said an unusually passionate S.U.Saravanakumar, noted wildlife photographer.

"Long live classical divine Tamil!", screamed world famous Chennai legend Kaveri Lalchand with practiced ease. " These guys will put the 'DMK' in nightlife", said Prakash Rao, noted nightlife expert.

"Let's hope they keep it clean", quipped the guy who's currently Governor " We don't want it to become an Adult Franchise! Heh heh heh . . . "

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Terrorists surrender in droves after India bans blogs.

Police stations across the country were flooded with messages from various terrorist groups now completely disabled by the ban on blog sites.

“We don’t stand a chance stop India’s technology is too good for us stop We surrender stop” read a telegram from People Using Such Sites Instead of Enlisting Soldiers (P.U.S.S.I.E.S) – a militant outfit responsible for using blogs to convince people to commit suicide by petitioning excessively. In fact there are rumors of mass bunking from more high profile terror groups like the ever unrepentant L.T.T.E.(i) (Letz Terorize The Enternet – in India) who sent their statement via sms. “u hv blked blgs 2day but v’ll brb u c” it read, showing that most terrorists have the same language skills as the average camera phone. "i c u r m t" was the curt reply from the DoT always ready to display their deadly response speeds in these troubled times.

The government however, is thrilled to bits with the unqualified success of CERT (Computer Emergency Response Team) whose only function till recently was to repeatedly install operating systems and salvage data after hard disk crashes.

“No longer will they be allowed to see their journals in reverse chronological order. No longer can they pass off crappy writing as freedom of expression. No longer will they be able to follow the activities of Bikang.” yelled an unruly group of DoT (Dept of Terror) agents as they attempted to set fire to an effigy of “Should it be ‘of' terror’ or ‘for' terror?” mulled the internationally acclaimed wildlife photographer S.U. Saravannakumar, as he polished off several glasses of Longislandiced Tea (LeT) to drown his sorrow at being left out from a Bosey article for the first time.

Meanwhile, happy with their out-of-the-bogs effort, the government of India is also contemplating a ban on the easy availability of white paper and blank CDs too.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Ode to the Automan Empire

by Anand Ramachandran, who discovered this when deleting old backups, and put quick gauge. Don't even remember ever writing this . . .

All these blokes who drive an Auto

seem to be completely blotto.

They never drive you anywhere

without demanding excess fare.

And worst of all, they sometimes will

talk politics to you until

you find their views so unappealing

they give you a queasy feeling.

Wouldn’t life be so much better

if someone put them through a shredder?

Then they’d all be good and dead

and we could take the bus instead.