Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Vijay to Focus Only On Meaningless Roles

by Anand Ramachandran, who is a friend of a close friend of Vijay Saar.




Tamil film actor Vijay has expressed his desire to work only with directors who can offer him truly meaningless, shallow and generic roles.





“Some actors don't mind doing only exciting and challenging films day after day, dealing with countless intelligent scripts, demanding directors, and discerning audiences. But I've never really been interested in that sort of thing.”, he said, confirming something the public has known for years. “ I much prefer picking and choosing my roles – hereafter I will consider only those with the highest levels of idiocy, truly contrived situations, moronic dialogues and overall worthlessness.”, he blabbered, before finally giving his mind a well-deserved (and much needed) rest.







saar


Tamil film star Vijay clearly demonstrates why he is different from more 'serious' performers like Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, who seem delighted that he is quite unlike them.











Sources close to the actor have revealed that Vijay was frustrated with audiences who were increasingly only interested in watching films with skillful acting, engaging screenplays, good music, and dialogues written by fully-functional adults. “He's upset with the way things are going. He's concerned that a few years from now, nobody will be interested in watching films with precious little substance and no lasting value.”, said G.Senthil, a close personal friend and regular dinner companion.





“It's time we took more initiative to promote the kind of empty-headed, retarded drivel that we all really believe in. We understand that audiences may have a need for quality films, but we must draw a line somewhere! , said Vijay's father and noted director-producer S.A.Chandrasekhar. “Take that, Maddy!”, he growled, punching the air with his fist.





The announcement has led to mixed reactions among the film industry, critics and fans.





“He has taken the right decision. Every actor should concentrate on what his skills are best suited to. I wish I had such professional integrity and courage to refrain from needless experimentation”, said an unusually candid Kamal Haasan (Grand to friends), carelessly admitting to one of his several flaws (minus-points to friends).





“Although I do wish that he would move his lips just a bit more. It's eerie the way he speaks - like a ventriloquist who doesn't throw his voice.”, he added, before leaving to sign a brand new project in which he plays an evil wizard, a one-legged used car salesman, and a dark brown suitcase.





“Well, to each his own. I'm the sort who prefers more cerebral roles which give me a chance to show my acting ability”, said biker-actor Ajith, sending those present into howls of helpless laughter. “What? Whaaaat?”, he asked, taking off his helmet to get a better view of the gathering.





“Huh? Ewr . . who, me?”, offered Prashanth, mildly disoriented that anyone bothered to ask him for an opinion.





Vijay fans are delighted with the news. “Thank God! Now we don't have to see our Vijay Saar in blade, slow-moving films in which he is an embarrasing misfit – like Rajnikanth in 'Shri Raghavendra'.”, said lifelong fan Vishal Thyagarajan (no relation to Prashanth). Interestingly, hardcore film critics are pleased for the exact same reason.





“Let's just hope that he doesn't enter politics. Or for that matter, wildlife”, said wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, shuddering at the thought of Vijay, dressed in a wine-red suit, performing quick dance moves in the Kalakkad-Mundanthurai Tiger Reserve.





Silambarasan (Simbhu to friends, if any) was not available for comment, as he had reportedly gone to Barista, in the vain hope of bolstering his coolness factor by pretending to strum that silly guitar, and periodically looking around to see if anyone notices.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! Wonder if u 've watched a moive called "thirupaachi" =))

Anonymous said...

Screw Vijay!I want an article on that idiot Silambarasan.

Anonymous said...

"......before leaving to sign a brand new project in which he plays an evil wizard, a one-legged used car salesman, and a dark brown suitcase."

Is the joke inspired by Woody Allen's writings?? :-)



Chandrashekar.

raj said...

bosey, super as usual :-)
Hwo do you think of this, adhellam appadiye varudhu dhaan illai - catch my point? :-)

Suuren D'sa said...

Guys, ever wondered how Vijay manages to get hold of those mindnumbingly stupid stories?(stories?!).
Research shows that about 76.4% of Vijay’s movies are remakes of Telugu hits.

I was once force-fed on this movie called Priyamanavale. My dad had to spend a bomb on my subsequent debriefing sessions with a shrink.

In the same vein, AR, I urge you be considerate in Simbu’s case. I guess, most what you get to see is a direct result of the traumatic childhood he’s had. Imagine going through things like Pettredutha Pillai, Oru Thayin Sabhatham and Shabash Babu before one turned 10!

PS: Priyamanavale was, again, a Telugu remake
PPS: Anonymous1, for your info, they are remaking Tirupachi into Telugu

Suuren D'sa said...

Guys, ever wondered how Vijay manages to get hold of those mindnumbingly stupid stories?(stories?!).
Research shows that about 76.4% of Vijay’s movies are remakes of Telugu hits.

I was once force-fed on this movie called Priyamanavale. My dad had to spend a bomb on my subsequent debriefing sessions with a shrink.

In the same vein, AR, I urge you be considerate in Simbu’s case. I guess, most what you get to see is a direct result of the traumatic childhood he’s had. Imagine going through things like Pettredutha Pillai, Oru Thayin Sabhatham and Shabash Babu before one turned 10!

PS: Priyamanavale was, again, a Telugu remake
PPS: Anonymous1, for your info, they are remaking Tirupachi into Telugu

Suuren D'sa said...

Guys, ever wondered how Vijay manages to get hold of those mindnumbingly stupid stories?(stories?!).
Research shows that about 76.4% of Vijay’s movies are remakes of Telugu hits.

I was once force-fed on this movie called Priyamanavale. My dad had to spend a bomb on my subsequent debriefing sessions with a shrink.

In the same vein, AR, I urge you be considerate in Simbu’s case. I guess, most what you get to see is a direct result of the traumatic childhood he’s had. Imagine going through things like Pettredutha Pillai, Oru Thayin Sabhatham and Shabash Babu before one turned 10!

PS: Priyamanavale was, again, a Telugu remake
PPS: Anonymous1, for your info, they are remaking Tirupachi into Telugu

Suuren D'sa said...

some more research now shows that ‘Priyamanvale’ was actually made in FOUR languages!
and the retrograde lump of feces of a movie was a super hit all over!!
and they are talking things like 'Indian values' and 'institution of marriage' in the reviews!
they are actually trying to see something good in the move….
they are reopening old wounds….

there is a re..la..pse……

Where’s my Tegretol……

Anonymous said...

Also, 1 (one) cannot forget the relationship between Vijar Saar Saar and Vijay kaanth Saar a.k.a Captain Gab-tun

Respek!

... said...

hahaha... the guitar at barrista... hahaha...

Anonymous said...

And then there was the movie where Vijay indulges in telekinetic contact with the heroine by (none too gently) grabbing a pair of balloons. The heroine immediately goes into paroxysms of desire, her mind's eye feasting on Vijay.

Telepathy/Telekinesis with balloons... I ask you, could anybody have come up with more refined ways of psychological torture?

Talking of Gab-Tun, one day I was idly surfing channels on the Tube when I came across one that was broadcasting one of his older movies. An extremely slim Gab-Tun with his hair looking much like Rajani Kant (no relation to Emmanuel) kneels down by some recently dug-up and filled unmarked grave, and begins digging up the earth. With his bare hands. In a matter of minutes, he unearths a corpse, makes gloves out of its hands, and goes about meting retribution to the villains who had killed his kith and kin. The police can't catch him because the fingerprints at the crime scenes are someone else's!

Ha. Ha haha ha. Haha. Hahaha. (followed by a series of frenzied whoops. Think Daffy Duck when he finally loses his marbles at the end of every other Looney Tunes cartoon.)

Anonymous said...

“I do wish that he would move his lips just a bit more”

Even more unbearable when Vijay has Hariharan singing for him in full throat.

Anonymous said...

Please next time we need Simbu aka Silamabarasam = vijaykanth + rajnikanth + SJ surya + vadivel + Sathyaraj + T Rajendar + rest of the chootiyas.

Surely all those who were unfortunate enough to watch the movie Vallavan will agree with me.

Anonymous said...

LOL.....

L. said...

picture not loading, saar :(

Anonymous said...

You are wrong... his next movie is different. It's got a lot of action, songs, comedy.. (they've also picturised two songs in Bosnia, the first for a Tamil film).. it's a wholesome family entertainer. Vijay plays a youthful character. This is a different kind of film; for the first time they're attempting this in a Tamil film... you'll definitely enjoy it... it's sure to turn into a success.

Anonymous said...

omg..is that true about simbhu? he is so hot!!! which barista does he go to? which guitar did he strum? can i lick it?

Anonymous said...

hahahhaaa!! i want to lick that guitar too. oh i so do.
- does bosey have a street team that i can join ?? :-)

Anand Ramachandran said...

@tara

Street team? Right.

You can write for us, though, if you'd like. Send me some sample work by e-mail.