Saturday, May 06, 2006

Lies continue to do better than Truths in 2006.

by Anand Ramachandran, who is stuck in a traffic jam

A mid-year survey has revealed that there were more lies in public and private utterances than truths, continuing the trend of recent years.

The increasing percentage of untruths in public utterances are clearly demonstrated by this graph (not in picture).
According to a statistician working at the University for Surveying Endless Lies Emerging from Stupid Strangers (USELESS), over 70% of things people said in 2006 (until April), were either not actually meant, half-truths, or complete fabrications.

Apart from traditionally leading lies such as “I'll give you a cheque on Tuesday”, “ I'm held up at an important meeting”, and “ I'll be home in an hour”, which continued to do well, there were several interesting new entrants like “ Of course I've seen Casablanca.”, “ I actually prefer village life” and “ Surely, Ambi Mama. I'll come and visit you in Thanjavur soon.”

Even though truthful statements lagged behind, a few did manage to put up a strong showing, including “That thing? It's too damn expensive”, “Salman Khan is a disgrace to society.” and “I'm sorry, I have no knowledge whatsoever about Feargus Urquhart.”

A USELESS (the University, not the adjective) representative told Son of Bosey “Actually, completing this survey was harder than you might think. We have to pore over millions of utterances and decide whether they are true or not. It's hard to decide if statements like “ Bryan Adams is talented” or “Whack! Whack! Kalaignar!!!!” are truth or lies. And in a scientific environment, guesswork is useless (the adjective, not the University)”.

Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar was unavailable for comment, as he did not turn up at work today, citing a stomach ache as the reason. “These Son of Bosey jokers have to drag my name into everything, even when I'm unavailable! I'll get them someday!”, he said.


priya said...

ey, bryan adams rocks man! what are you saying!!

Sara, you are famous!

Mahadevan said...

2006 being an election year in five states, Lies can easily outnumber Truths. Does USELESS have party-wise and politician-wise statistics of Lies-Truths ratio?

The rate at which Shane Warne is admitting his off-field exploits, the Lies-Truth ratio may undergo a drastic change before the end of the year.

George Bernard Waah! said...

poi solla poren poi solla poren, naan oru blogger ada. poi solla poren poi solla poren, nee oru S O B ada.

ammani said...

ROFL!!! Welcome back.