Monday, June 06, 2005

Language Scientists Recommend Merging ‘ck’ with ‘de’.

by Anand Ramachandran, cheered on by seven Wookies and one M.S.Swaminathan look alike

A team of language scientists (scientists who are too dumb to work on really complicated stuff like quantum physics, stem cell research and the workings of Karan Thapar's lower jaw) have made a stunning discovery that may have huge impact on the English language.

It all started when a group of scientists were, just like everyone else, discussing the latest STAR WARS movie. (what do you mean, not EVERYONE? Everyone who MATTERS, hah.) By a quirk of fate, our reporter gained access to the transcript of the entire conversation. (What?! You DON'T keep transcripts of your conversations? Get out of here!)

Mace Windu, the great Jedi master, imagines what the Emperor would look like with Yoda's ears.

Scientist Bipin Das : “Mace Windu is a blade guy.”

Scientist Nishraj Gurung : “Mace Windu is a black guy.”

Scientist Tony Chacko : “Machan! Sly discovery!”

Scientist Bipin Das : “ Speak up, man – there's no time to lose!”

Scientist Tony Chacko : “

From the above observations about Master Windu, which are both undoubtedly true, we can see that

Black = Blade.

Since Bla is common on both sides, and since we know that Bla Bla is always worthless, we can cancel it and we end up with

‘ck' = ‘de'

Hence proved.”

Scientist Nishraj Gurung : “Wah! Truly rich discovery. Now you have to change your name to Tony Chadeo! Hahahaha! ”

Scientist Tony Chacko : “Grrrrrr!”

The scientists have further corroborated their theory with the undeniable fact that Sanjay Leela Bhansali's ‘Black' can be safely renamed ‘Blade' without changing it in any way.

This discovery has sent shockwaves through the general public. “Well, I don't know. What will happen to terms like ‘Codebreaker', and ‘Brick Layer'? Think about it. ”, asked S.Ramalingam, a well known English speaker.

“Don't forget about terms like ‘A pride of lions' and ‘I am going to eat a duck for breakfast' .” added leading wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, showing that he has not forgotten his love of animals.

Some people are more affected than others. “Oh! No! My practice will be ruined! ”, said Dr. Quade of Michigan . “Now I will have to take up some side busine . . . Nooooooooo! Not again!”, he wailed, running off into the sunset.

All experts agree that this development could cause chaos in both written and spoken English. “Only time can reveal the full implications.”, said a mathematician, before going back to studying the concepts of mean, median and mock.

Despite our best efforts, Zztop are still untraceable for comment.