Thursday, June 02, 2005

David Hasselhoff caught up in identity theft mishap.

by Vinay Nilakantan


It has been reported that eighties television icon, David Hasselhoff had fallen victim to the newest wave of credit card scams – identity theft. A visibly shaken Hasselhoff addressed a press conference with a copy of his latest credit card bill.


He claimed that his curiosity was sparked when, on his latest VISA bill, he found purchases of a Gucci handbag, the newest J-Lo perfume, a subscription to Cosmopolitan and the latest Ricky Martin album. Co-incidentally, it was a DVD purchase of a ‘David Hasselhoff Live' concert that convinced the actor that he had fallen victim to identity theft.









David Hasselhoff simultaneously displays his VISA card and his nipples (not in picture).

“I have five copies of that DVD. It's not on my calendar to buy that DVD again for the next six months” said an elated Hasselhoff, glad that he was able to nail the evidence.


The Baywatch star was quick to contact the credit card company, which was very particular about wrapping up such a high profile case as quickly and quietly as possible. “Our client likes everything to be discreet, and hates attracting unnecessary attention”, said a spokesman for the company, drawing peals of hysterical laughter from the whole world, as Hasselhoff stood nearby dressed only in red underpants and flexing his sagging muscles.


“Fortunately, I have not lost my entire identity”, joked Hasselhoff with his trademark smile and a knowing wink.


Fans of David Hasselhoff have shown an outpouring of support through this troubled time for the actor. “Wierzhut Hasselhoff” – the flagship fan group for the star has resorted to a five day fast while picketing through the streets of Luxembourg . “We like to see David Hasselhoff drive cars and save drowning people. He is a gift to whole world and yet has to suffer common problems like these” said one irate fan club member.


The accused is said to be a man named Timothy Madhukar, a long-time Hasselhoff impersonator . On asking to comment, Madhukar repeatedly stated that he was innocent and wants his name cleared of all the charges. “I am an innocent man trying to make an honest living in Germany , just like Hasselhof.”, he said.


David Hasselhoff, now in Hamburg promoting his latest fitness video, was just awarded the International Star of the Year for Outstanding Global Entertainment at the Bollywood Music Awards in New Jersey .


“My career has never been greater” said the star. “I'm all set to start touring Poland in winter.”

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

We Didn't Start The Fire 2 : The Desi Megamix

by Anand Ramachandran, based on a rich idea by his world-famous brother Arvindh AKA D of Z fame


Everyone knows that ' We didn't start the fire ' is an easy song to write (Even Billy Joel could do it). Just pick up random stuff from the world around you, and piece them together to make silly rhymes.


But if it's really that easy, how come people all over aren't doing it? Because they're lazy dolts, that's why. However, being the sprightly, brisk youngsters that we are, we decided to get off our butts, shake off the 'sleepies' and give you our take on the smash hit song of yesteryear.


(Sung to the tune of 'Auld Lang Sy . . er . . . ah . . We didn't start the fire. Sorry. Our bad. Heh heh.)



Salman Khan and Sanjay Dutt

Khushboo. Bali Brahmabhatt.

Manivannan. Vadivelu. Some chick named Reddy.


Baba Sehgal cannot stop

Blading us with Indipop.

Sonu Nigam. Shekhar Suman. Enough Already.


Oh! My God! Have you heard!

Amitabh has grown a beard!

Parents go for shorter names.

PC Sorcar and P James.


Pepsi Top Ten. Sachin's elbow gone again.

Deadline? Nevermind. Let's just sing it one more time.


 


We didn't eat the paya

Did you create it? Cause we really hate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we ate it, we'll regurgitate it.


 


Ayurvedic healthy herbs.

Caddy's lack of form disturbs.

Broadband. Girl Bands. Sonia Gandhi.


Increase in Reliance worth.

Adnan Sami's massive girth.

No more rhymes? Think again! Priyanka Gandhi.


President with long hair.

FM stations rule the air.

Sehwag's really kicking butt.

Bappi is an idiot.


DD Sports. TQM. We've gone and made a Surd PM.

Prabhu Deva. Kar Seva. Cast your vote – it's now or nevah!


 


We didn't eat the paya

Did you create it? Cause we really hate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we ate it, we'll regurgitate it.


 


Producers just love Vijay.

Bal-T's leading youth astray.

Nice Butt. Big Tits. Madhuri Dixit's.


Michael Jackson came and went.

Vajpayee needs retirement.

John Wright. Out of sight. Pace Attack is lacking bite.


Charu Sharma's motormouth.

Hindi movies in the South.

Jedis meet in Coruscant.

What to do with Vijaykanth?


Sushmita. Aishwarya.

Can I be your lover, ya?

Don't play big shots – Yuvi is at cover ya!


 


We didn't eat the paya

Did you create it? Cause we really hate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we ate it, we'll regurgitate it.


 


Modern youth have no respect.

Late night food at Coronet.

Kingfisher .Black Knight . Haywards 2000.


You can be a caller, ji.

With modern technology.

STD. ISD. Internet browsing.


Stupid fads. Crappy ads. Lack of cute and portly lads.

ATMS and IOUs – just so we can chill and booze.


We didn't eat the paya

Did you create it? Cause we really hate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we ate it, we'll regurgitate it.


Jacob Martin's cover drive. A.R.Rahman performs live.

Kiran Bedi. Supercop. KPS. Full Stop.


Metti Oli never ends. Viewers never meet their friends.

Booming of the BPO. Vader and C3PO.


Cartoon Network. Pogo. Wipro's crummy Logo.

Pre-paid. Post-paid. Now it's time to end the blade.


 


We didn't eat the paya

Did you create it? Cause we really hate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we ate it, we'll regurgitate it.


We didn't eat the paya

Even if we tried, we'd have quickly died and died and died and died . . . . . . . .