Sunday, June 12, 2005

Stella Maris poised to become 'School of Rock'.

by Vinay Nilakantan, under the influence of Jack Black, who is mentioned twice in this article.

In a bizarre turn of events , several students of one of Chennai's leading colleges, Stella Maris, have been seen rioting within the Poes Garden area of the city. Panic and pandemonium ensued in what seems to be the first official strike by the students. Residents have reported hearing loud growls and group ballad-singing mostly around the 7- 8pm time frame.

“The situation on the streets is very grave” said long time Poes garden resident Mr. Pramod Paranthaman while shiftily glancing over our reporter's shoulder.

On further curiosity, our reporter infiltrated the intimidating walls (getting past the Watchman, who seemed to think that he should be the only male person allowed near the chicks) of the college and managed to speak with several of the students just before roll call.

“We demand that our curriculum be updated so we have a more global outlook. We feel that our college must have a three year 'School of Rock ' program.” said long time rock music advocate Zareen Isaac. “In this day and age, rock music is now a lucrative money spinner and we want to take advantage of these opportunities” added budding economics student Madonna Devasahayam.

Stella students seen staging a demonstration. It was reported that these students had not moved in over 16 hours but were forced to end the impromptu game of ‘ 1-2-3 STATUE' as their canteen mess was about to close for the day.

Ever since this outcry, classes have been interrupted and regular campus life has taken a turn for worse. “Nowadays, it's a friggin' jungle out here” said Tameen Isaac, wincing at her own surprisingly coarse language.

Amidst all this, the faculty nuns have been showing a steely resolve. “We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight.” said Sister Mary, managing to look eerily like Bill Pullman, an astounding feat for a nun.

“This devil music is not what our institution is all about and we will fight until the very end to protect it” said Sister Mercy, re-cocking her Uzi, and tapping her feet to the tune of ‘Be Cruel to your School'.

One faction of nuns, however, seems to have accepted these demands from the students and is currently in the process of gearing up for the requested program. “We listen to Twisted Sister, Winger and Annihilator all the time. They've got some sick fool tunes” said Sister Grace. “It's the new bands like Bush, Soul Sirkus and System of a Down that make the lead solos a little hard to figure out.” admitted Sister Florence.

“Def Leppard is definitely rock”, said David Pascal, vainly trying to reinforce a fondly-held belief.

“Sister Act”, the latest all-nun band from Stella Maris, seen rehearsing a cover of the popular ZZTop hit, “Legs” , as Jack Black (not in picture) cheers on.

“We are desperately trying to track down Jack Black. We feel he is a true representation of our collective objectives. Do you have his phone number? Is four better than two? Where is Jimmy Ray?” said student council member Sheena Mathiekan, lapsing into irrelevant questions.

“It's about time we showed those MCC and Loyola guys that us Stella Marians are head bangers too” , she added, staging a recovery by gingerly holding up the devil sign on her right hand and nodding thrice.

Students from other colleges have also started getting involved. “We would like to start a similar three year “Fashion and Overall Hipness” degree program.” said Ehtiraj student Vinita Venkataeswaran, hanging out in Milky Way about eight years after it stopped being cool.


Anonymous said...

What? Milkyway stopped being cool?!! Whyd you have to go and burst my bubbble?! Now dont tell me that Ethiraj became a tamil medium college!!

Anonymous said...

I walked into Milky Way last year, expecting to surf on a wave of Ethiraj femdom, trip on a dupatta of a pretty girl, and giggle about it afterwards as we slurped off a single butterscotch cone. Instead, the guy behind the counter laid down his fly-swatter, cranked up 'Appidi Podu Podu', and whispered in my ear..."Go to MovenPick saar, there only hawter baybes". I tipped the good man & left in a hurry. (Later, I left MovenPick in a hurry when some kid pointed at me and said, "Uncle, nice haircut". Nasty 18 yr olds.)

Call it serendipatti or some such word from Bobban Chacko's Barrons...but 'School of Rock' was playing on my TV as I read this piece. Eerie. (So was that group photo!)

brihaspati said...

Yes, Anusha it is true. I realized that I have become older (or that I have been out of Madras, way too long) when my brother, a couple of years ago, corrected me about Milky-way not being cool any more. He rattled off a whole slew of new names where the ice - cream was more cool and soft and the gals more hot.

I swear I have not heard of the Movenpick that Manoj mentions.. :)

I am still wistful for those good 'ol days when Milkyway was the in-thing.

Anand Ramachandran said...

I am truly sorry to report than Milky Way has entered permanent rest mode.

But on the brighter side, Hawt Babes are crawling out of the woodwork. Rough.

Anonymous said...

MovenPick is well-hidden from the pervy eyes of middle-aged lechers. And just in case some wander in, they have unique seating arrangements to filter them out. You have your standard round-table & chairs that are strategically placed by the door. Then you have these weird seats that are practically long cushions laid on the floor with a low table in between. And this is where the hawtness is seated usually. But bad news for anyone over 25, with their set of midriff-tires, is that they could pass out within seconds of sitting on those. Ice-cream eating/ogling in Madras will never be the same again. (Unless Bosey can use their clout to remedy the situation. Anand, pleesh!)

Anand Ramachandran said...

Bosey? Clout?


That's the funniest thing on this web site yet.

GB said...

Hahaha. The residents probably heard the college song, it's awesome.

her said...

Echooz mee...I am a Stella Marian..This is nothing but out and out conspiracy to tarnish the name of our college..

Wot is rokk moozic?

The Wizard of Odd said...

JB is at present receiving instruction from satan about the costuming for the next tenacious D video, but will let him know yer lookin' for him at the next solstice summoning.

As for this post--

Ah, where have you been all my erm college life?

loverly. Sigh. If only that dang newsletter would carry it... sigh.


amster said...

Damn right blue goblin! If only we cud get the hindu interested - who do we know there??? C'mon some one high up. surely ex-stella elites know em...

Brill Post.