Tuesday, May 24, 2005

George Lucas takes over Lucas-TVS

Billionaire producer George Lucas has finally achieved his lifelong dream of completely owning Indian auto-electricals giant Lucas-TVS

“LucasFilm, LucasArts, and now Lucas-TVS – hooray, it's a complete set!”, cheered the Hollywood mogul, sounding like a kid who had just completed his Star Wars action figure collection by finally purchasing ‘Greedo', ‘Sebulba' and ‘That guy sitting in the third row during the senate scenes'.

“We have a lot in common.”, said Lucas, explaining his reasons for acquiring the company. “We both have a lot of money. We both love arbid abbreviations like C3PO, R2D2 and TVS50. We both have the word ‘Lucas' in our name. It's a perfect match.”

Employees of the company are thrilled with the news. “ Yay! Now we can stop making these blade dynamos, alternators and induction coils, and start working on some real projects – like a Death Star or Battle Droids!”, said Aravind Murali, a senior manager with the company, showing a disturbingly high testosterone level. Many employees have also apparently been casting longing looks towards the office tubelights.

George Lucas excitedly points at a low-flying aircraft while T.K.Balaji of Lucas-TVS sits down for a lite rest. The two businessmen were taking a stroll on the premises after closing the deal.

The truth, however, may be somewhat different. “The company will make products that best reflect the Lucas and TVS brand names”, says the official press release. Rumour has it that the proposed product line includes Land Speeders and Hoverbikes.

“We need to compete with multinationals like Opel, Ford and Skoda. That's why we've decided to take a leaf out of their book and make impractical, overpriced vehicles which can't be used on Indian roads.”, said Tariq Akbar, a major fan of Hoverbikes, but not of Land Speeders.

There are also plans to construct a new office shaped like Darth Vader's helmet. When a reporter suggested that this was a bit silly, a company spokesman responded angrily, growling “Grrrrarrrrrr! Nonsense! Have you seen the L and T office in Manapakkam?”

There are rumours that the real reasons behind Lucas buying the company was that he wanted the opportunity to blade his grandchildren by saying “ You know, when I was in Lucas-TVS . . .” On hearing this, the bearded genius responded by slamming his fist down on the table and saying “Cha! Busted!!”


Anonymous said...

Deadly stuff bosey boy!

George Bernard Waah! said...

haha. There are more of those oldies around than mosquitoes.