Thursday, July 02, 2009

Delhi High Court clarifies that pro-gay ruling applies only to homosexuals, does not cover fans of 'Michael Learns To Rock' or 'Need for Speed.'

Making an important clarification regarding their recent historic ruling on parts Section 377 of the IPC being unconstitutional, Chief Justice A.P.Shah said “Let me make it clear that the ruling applies only to the term 'Gay' as applied to consensual homosexual activity, and not the term 'Gay', as applied to still enjoying 'Michael Learns to Rock', or continuing to think 'Need for Speed' is kvlt.”

“ Fans of MLTR and NFS, you have been warned. All your base are belong to us”, added Justice S.Murlidhar. “While this court believes that sexual orientation is a personal choice, we certainly do not condone activities such as liking those stupid Hugh Grant based rom-coms, enjoying Kenny G, reading moronic self-help books, or still insisting on playing only Counter-Strike despite the existence of a large number of more sophisticated and enjoyable titles in the market today. That shit is so totally 64y – this is what should be illegal.”, he signed off, leaving people in no doubt as to his stand on the issue.

While the court ruling has been welcomed by the gay and lesbian communities in India, MLTR fans are feeling betrayed and left out. “If I want to listen to a bunch of talentless pretenders belting out syrupy ballads with juvenile lyrics, why should the court stop me? At least I'm not a sexual deviant - I enjoy sex with guys, like normal girls do.”, barked an annoyed looking young woman, immediately providing encouragement to a number of young men lurking in the vicinity. “I won't let them stop me. I will continue to listen to MLTR, New Kids on The Block, and Ace of Base.”, she thundered passionately, sending the young men scurrying in the opposite direction.

NFS fans have also condemned the statements by the Judges. “The rest of the world may think we're stupid for still preferring NFS to Burnout, but we're not. We're not stupid. We're smarter than them. They're stupid. Not us.”, said a spokesman for the National Foundation of Stupid Need For Speed Fans (NFSNFSF).

“I don't see the difference. People should be allowed to fuck whoever they like – even themselves, which is what they do by listening to crappy music or watching execrable movies.” said HRD minister Kapil Sibal, taking the opportunity to reinforce his new image as the Government's in-house forward thinker. “You can't disagree with me when I say that Adam Sandler or Yanni are a pain in the ass. Heh heh.”, he added on a humourous note, drawing dirty looks from nobody at all.

In related news, thousands of commenters on Rediff have taken a break from their NFS sessions to blame Pakistan and Bangladesh for the popularity of MLTR in India.