Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bollywood Actors to use 'acting doubles'

Bollywood continues to innovate. While it is common for actors to use 'stunt doubles' for scenes that they find too difficult to perform, Bollywood actors have now started using 'acting doubles', for exactly the same reason. From now on, specially trained 'acting doubles' will fill in for superstars such as Shah Rukh Khan, Sunjay Dutt and Kareena Kapoor to perform all the on-screen histrionics that the stars themselves aren't skilled enough for, leaving them free to attend to the really important stuff, such as partying, appearing in news items, squabbling with each other and generally indulging in shameless self-promotion.

“It's very simple, you get doubles to do all those difficult things that you're not skilled enough to do. So this makes perfect sense.”, said alleged actor Salman Khan. “Now, finally, I can pull off all that pesky 'emoting' stuff that these idiot directors keep on harping about”, he said, suddenly ripping his shirt off and flexing his right pectoral. “You know, in the old days, they used to be called 'Dupes' The venerable Sivaji Ganesan always used to use 'Dupes' for tasks that were beyond him, such as cycling, skating, swimming and pretending that K.R.Vijaya was sexually attractive”, commented a tired looking Cho.Ramaswamy, pleased to contribute to a snippet for the first time.

This revolutionary new technique has spawned great demand for 'acting doubles' for several Bollywood superstars. Apparently, Anil Kapoor requires a double for pronouncing the word 'Millionaire', Sushmita Sen requires a 'chin double' to hide her double chin , and Hrithik Roshan (see pic) urgently needs a 'stop grinning like an idiot' double. Aamir Khan, as usual, has refused to have anything to do with the whole issue, since he's way too posh.