Tuesday, December 29, 2009

'Tambola' to be included in Delhi Commonwealth Games, in a move to boost spectator interest.

by Anand Ramachandran, who is hard pressed to think of anything funnier than the Commonwealth Games. Or the Commonwealth itself, for that matter.


With an increasing number of high profile athletes, including Usain Bolt and top British athletes and gymnasts dropping out of the upcoming Commonwealth Games to be held in Delhi, the Commonwealth Games Federation has decided to boost the popularity of the games by including the popular sport of 'Tambola' as a medal event.


“Brilliant no?”, grinned an eerily delighted looking IOA chief Suresh Kalmadi. “The inclusion of Tambola is sure to make the Delhi Games a bumper hit! And, unlike my earlier let-off about Usain Bolt's participation, this is a promise I can actually keep!”, he tittered, swaying from side-to-side gently. “After all, 'Tambola' can't decide to drop out of the games, can it?”, he pointed out reasonably. “More importantly, there will be no need to complete any stadium on time for this event – we can have it in Delhi Gymkhana itself!”, he added, pointing to one of the many benefits of the move.


The Indian Tambola contingent for the Commonwealth Games practices crucial Tambola skills, including ball-point pen holding, number recognition and the consumption of samosas and Rasna (not in picture).



According to sources in the IOA, the Tambola event would break with tradition - instead of medals, the winners would receive tiffin carriers, Japanese magnetic pencil-boxes, borosil juice-glass sets, and copies of 'Tell Me Why'. “We wanted to stay true to the spirit of Tambola, and award prizes that Tambola athletes would truly appreciate. ”, said a woman wearing a sleeveless blouse and oversized sunglasses, before asking the gathered reporters to donate generously so that the IOA could buy samosas for the event. The Tambola event at the CWG will also mark the first ever time in sports history that athletes from over fifty countries would simultaneously drink 'Rasna'.


The CGF is hoping that the inclusion of Tambola will spark public interest in an event that has been dogged by bad luck, controversy and general lack of interest among participants. “We realized that for athletes like Usain Bolt and Paula Radcliffe, the CWG may not be too prestigious. But for people such as Suraj Bajaj and Swarnakamakshi Gurumurthy, it is the pinnacle of their sport. Winning a japanese pencil box (or even a multi-head screw driver kit) at the Commonwealth Games would immortalize these athletes in the annals of Tambola history.”, said Mr.Kalmadi. He also said that the Tambola event had already gained the guaranteed participation of Tambola legends such as Vinay Nilakantan (who, coincidentally, is also one of the world's leading 'Deer Hunter' players), Perungulathur Subbu (who manages to win Tambola games even at functions where he hasn't been invited), Priya Krishnan (renowned Mac loyalist), and a man known only as 'Bablu'.


Luckily for Mr.Kalmadi and the IOA, public reaction has been mostly positive.


“Hey, Tambola is a terrific game! I was first introduced to it in the year – two fat ladies – 88! I was just a lad of – two little ducks – 22 then!”, said a visibly excited Son of Bosey veteran, Sankalesh Jimmy, getting into the spirit of things rather quickly. “Gee, I hope they get a genuine retired Army Colonel or Major to call the games. That would be – Awe and Some – Awesome!”, he said, expanding the very horizons of 'Tambola calling' to include everyday words as well.


“There's absolutely nothing wrong in having Tambola at the games. After all, it is very similar to cricket, which was included in the games in the year – nine and eight – ninety eight.” said noted cricket fanatic Aravind Murali. “Both games are very popular in India. Both games feature numbers from 0 to 99. Both games feature cliche-ridden commentary by washed up has-beens. Both games require high degrees of skill.”, he explained, before succumbing to public pressure and saying “Okay, okay. Scratch the last one. Sheesh.”


“I do hope they come up with more interesting and contemporary calls. Something along the lines of – N.D.Tiwari – 69 ! Or how about this one – cleavage fest – 33 !” quipped renowned wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, with a mischievous grin. “Oh wait, there's more! Afridi's age – 18! New followers Tharoor gains per second – 78! Number of states in India – 76 ! Or is it 39? Or 52?” he jested, severely testing the theory that women dig guys with a 'sense of humour'.


World 100 metres champion and record-holder Usain Bolt clearly shows where his priorities lie, by completely ignoring the scoreboard that displays his WR in favour of gloating over completing the first 'row' in a Tambola game.



In fact, the inclusion of Tambola has had the effect of reviving the interest of athletes who otherwise had no intention of participating in the games. “Man, I don't want to bladely run dem sprints at the CWG. But I'm keen on participating in the Tambola! I have more gold medals than I can count, but winning one of dem 'Hardy Boys' books or those Kvlt Milton 'Kool Rider' water bottles would be really somethin, mon!”, said Jamaican superstar Usain Bolt, flashing his famous smile. “See, I TOLD you Usain Bolt would be coming!”, said a smug looking Mr.Kalmadi, who appeared out of nowhere to pounce on the opportunity to take credit.


And finally, the officials at Tamil Nadu Tambola (TNT) have expressed their delight at this development, saying “ We are very happy. Next we will invite Obomo to play Tambolo in a tournament sponsored by Coco Colo and Docomo.”



31 comments:

Indranil Chakraborty said...

Wait, if Usain Bolt needs to participate then the local Maccas needs to supply him with Chicken Nuggets. Samosas won't cut it with Bolt.

Lavanya said...

Milton Hot Pack was another coveted prize at this event.

zubizubizubbi said...

This is clearly a huge conspiracy by bourgeoisie to undermine the popularity of SUPER LOTTO among the proletariat.Inshallah, the people will soon rise in unison against the oppression of the masses in the name of Tambola.

priya krishnan said...

yummmmm......i love you Rasna! *smiles and ducks*

Talking Skull said...

Absolutelllyyyy fantastic!!! You must be a nerd to be generating such ideas... :-)

LOL and fantastic start to my day today. Thanks a million sir... :-)

BTW, isn't the Captcha word verification old-fashioned and boor-o-cratic? Please remove it...

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@Indranil - Nevah. Samosas for Life!

@Murray - I get tons of comment spam, which is why I enabled it. Will see if there's any alternative.

Unknown said...

Hahaha! Jokes apart, this is one of the best suggestions for the Commonwealth games!

Unknown said...

But machaa, I demand that it should be called "Housie". Calling it Tambola is an insult to the sentiments of Mumbai Housie players. 80% of all prizes should go to Mumbai

Kuresh Salmadi said...

Amazing article ! Kalmadi seems to get pwned with every post.Bosey rules.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@Kuresh Salmadi - So, when are you organising the Gommonwealth Cames?

@anannya Housie! Hahaha. What would Kartik Bose call it? That's what's crucial.

NotFunnyNotFamous said...

My mother always wanted to see me as an athlete! Now her dreams will come true!

Mr. Srinivas, a retired mathematics teacher, is planning to apply for the post of the caller, but he has always had problems trying to describe numbers like 69 and 36-24-36.. but then Mr. Kalmadi says, it isn't a problem.. Fudging numbers is his forte!

Awesome read this!

Jai Iyer (iyermatter) said...

LOL !
Any comments on the rumours that the organizers initially considered giving away Nobel Peace Prizes to the winners, but later decided the Anchor Quick Stitch Kit was more practical, useful and provided hours of creative fun to one and all ?

Kudos to Priya Krishnan for guest appearance.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@Jai non-shankar Iyer : Anchor Quick Stitch!! Cross-stitch is the new Kartik Bose!

evilemperorzeb said...

One Clap for Sanklesh Jimmy, it feels like almost 'number of mercs that Deva Murali had before he backed one into gymkana swimming pool' years since he appeared first!

evilemperorzeb said...

One Clap for Sanklesh Jimmy, it feels like almost 'number of mercs that Deva Murali had before he backed one into gymkana swimming pool' years since he appeared first!

obssesor said...

Give copies of "Two States" as prizes!!

Marc said...

I was laughing every paragraph! Good work.

Unknown said...

Hi Anand
Yours blogs are nice and funny. One small suggestion. In your blog about terrorists you have included LTTE. தமிழ்நாட்ல பிறந்த நீ இப்பிடி எழுதலமா? I dont want to make this a big issue but can you please change or remove that article?

Jugal said...

Isn't Abhishek Bachchan doing something similar on Colors TV channel soon? A game called "Bingo"?

Karthikeyan Mohan said...

Dear anand ramachandran,I am Karthikeyan & this my first comment on your blog .... For a guy who sits in office for most of his life time this kind of a humor is relaxing & puts a smile on my sad looking face after toiling with these white ku klux klan members & the triads ... As you posted in your older blog i am one of those NRI fools .. but no offence taken but being an NRI has its own drawbacks .... believe me in this Any ways good work done & i would love to see more posts from you & take up few lessons on how to write ...

PS. I really loved that Nanganallur Temple getting A tank ...
PPS. My 60 year old Father like it ..
PPPS. I am a Tamil Brahmin BTW , I am an NRI & I still loved it ....
Disclaimer for PS.& PPS. I do not intend to start another Caste based or Religion based Discussion/ Argument .. it is my opinion ...

K said...

Wan humble suggestion to Kall-Madi saar!

Please also to be including Cheetangol in the Commonwealth Games - and to be inviting Fernandes and Vajpayee to the opening ceremony :)

AXE 316 said...

Haha what raa, don't try and dump Deer Hunter on me.

Tambola - hahaha.

Learning to build web apps fast said...

lol.. deer hunter players.. obomo and coco colo, you dragged in RASNA too ! How do u even think of all this.. Brilliant :D

PS said...

Magnetic pencil box, Rasna, Milton and now Anchor Quick Stitch. Too much only. There should be a junior tambola where they serve Citra Super Cooler. In straw-tumblers.

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Good stuff! After a month!

Anonymous said...

please make fun of aamir khan.

Ravages/CC said...

Committee members for the selection of the chairman and committee members for the writing of the petition to humbly request the Commonwealth games organisers to inclued goli and bambaram in the games are invited.

Anand said...

just to set the record straight for the benefit of all the benighted folk infesting the planet - grand sweets samosa is the only variety that even merits the name.

as for the post itself: well, yet another 24-carat nugget from the cavernous mine.

one question regarding the creative process: do you take notes as and when ideas strike and then condense them into a post, or just sit down and bang away at the old keyboard when you think a new post is due?

kindly enlighten.

RR said...

Anand.. where in the world did you pick on Tambola ... jeez.. wierdly fuuny

Anonymous said...

I JUST WANT TO say every single person which is involved in preparation of cwg that do your job honestly and perfectly and on time to make india so beautiful as it is in our hearts.and welcoming our guests from all over the world and say ATITHI DEVO BHAVA and make our country PROUD.THANKS and just do it.

Anonymous said...

ben c*** faltuuuu likkkkta hainnnn