Thursday, July 02, 2009

Delhi High Court clarifies that pro-gay ruling applies only to homosexuals, does not cover fans of 'Michael Learns To Rock' or 'Need for Speed.'





Making an important clarification regarding their recent historic ruling on parts Section 377 of the IPC being unconstitutional, Chief Justice A.P.Shah said “Let me make it clear that the ruling applies only to the term 'Gay' as applied to consensual homosexual activity, and not the term 'Gay', as applied to still enjoying 'Michael Learns to Rock', or continuing to think 'Need for Speed' is kvlt.”


“ Fans of MLTR and NFS, you have been warned. All your base are belong to us”, added Justice S.Murlidhar. “While this court believes that sexual orientation is a personal choice, we certainly do not condone activities such as liking those stupid Hugh Grant based rom-coms, enjoying Kenny G, reading moronic self-help books, or still insisting on playing only Counter-Strike despite the existence of a large number of more sophisticated and enjoyable titles in the market today. That shit is so totally 64y – this is what should be illegal.”, he signed off, leaving people in no doubt as to his stand on the issue.


While the court ruling has been welcomed by the gay and lesbian communities in India, MLTR fans are feeling betrayed and left out. “If I want to listen to a bunch of talentless pretenders belting out syrupy ballads with juvenile lyrics, why should the court stop me? At least I'm not a sexual deviant - I enjoy sex with guys, like normal girls do.”, barked an annoyed looking young woman, immediately providing encouragement to a number of young men lurking in the vicinity. “I won't let them stop me. I will continue to listen to MLTR, New Kids on The Block, and Ace of Base.”, she thundered passionately, sending the young men scurrying in the opposite direction.


NFS fans have also condemned the statements by the Judges. “The rest of the world may think we're stupid for still preferring NFS to Burnout, but we're not. We're not stupid. We're smarter than them. They're stupid. Not us.”, said a spokesman for the National Foundation of Stupid Need For Speed Fans (NFSNFSF).


“I don't see the difference. People should be allowed to fuck whoever they like – even themselves, which is what they do by listening to crappy music or watching execrable movies.” said HRD minister Kapil Sibal, taking the opportunity to reinforce his new image as the Government's in-house forward thinker. “You can't disagree with me when I say that Adam Sandler or Yanni are a pain in the ass. Heh heh.”, he added on a humourous note, drawing dirty looks from nobody at all.


In related news, thousands of commenters on Rediff have taken a break from their NFS sessions to blame Pakistan and Bangladesh for the popularity of MLTR in India.

21 comments:

varali said...

Does that mean listening to Meatloaf is still legal? Damn.

Anonymous said...

Ha. :D

I think half my friends need to come read this one. :D

Lavanya said...

what about spiky gelled hair?
they should give those guys like a life sentence.

maxdavinci said...

thnk god, for not putting pet shop boys on that list!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@varali - meatloaf is covered under 'infrastructure' laws.

@maxdavinci - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Pet Shop Boys are teh_kvlt! Neil Tennant FTW!

Kartik said...

Slighta mediocre post, but the average bar still remains very high so no harm done.

Arjun said...

What about people who listen to Nirvana and think they're "deep" and angsty? Surely, those poseurs deserve some law slapped against them.

AXE 316 said...

One the topic of teh_kvlt, what about Guru Josh??

Infinity 4 l1f3!!

Axe out.

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Phew! We're still safe.

* goes back to listening to 911, Boyzone, Backstreet Boys and Aqua *

Anonymous said...

the last paragraph is a killer!!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@Axe316 Infinity. 1990s. Time for the Guru! \m/

techrsr said...

They'll probably make an Indian version of the 40 year old virgin and more of the "You know how I know you're gay?" jokes. While playing Mortal Kombat.

Haha. Brought Kapil Sibal in from nowhere and belted him as well.

Narendra shenoy said...

Hahaha! Genuinely rolled on the floor for this one!

The Mudd said...

Paint My Love is teh_pWnage ! ... and NFS r0ck5 ... Oops

Anonymous said...

Perhaps a bit much on the leet-speak these days?

Pagal Patrakar said...

nice post and wonderful blog!

I write on similar lines at FAKING NEWS

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Technical error: How could the temple 'purchase' the tank (as in the title) when it was donated (assumably free of cost) by our Statesman?

Sorry for nitpicking, I used to work in Quality Control for a year.

Anonymous said...

"Delhi High Court clarifies that pro-gay ruling applies only to homosexuals, does not cover fans of 'Michael Learns To Rock' or 'Need for Speed."

*sigh*
Somehow the usage of "gay" as a substitute for "lame" still upsets me, especially when it comes from unexpected quarters.

I suppose things like this take some years to fade.

-Yours Truly,
Anon homo

Quasar Thakore Padamsee said...

Of late I have travelled all over the globe, and discovered that no on in the US, UK, Canada or Australia have even heard of MLTR. Not even this danish couple I met. How the hell is ours the only country they tour to and sell albums in?

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

@anon homo - apologies if I offended. But please understand - your usage of the word 'lame' could just as well offend people who have lost use of their legs.

We'd all be happier if we all learned to laugh a little - instead of getting offended by every stupid joke that was told, with or without malicious intent. Or otherwise, we'd all be like Rajan Zed, or those psycho fatwa-hurling mullahs.

Anonymous said...

Don't Hate on NFS. I worked on it.
Anusha