Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bollywood Actors to use 'acting doubles'

Bollywood continues to innovate. While it is common for actors to use 'stunt doubles' for scenes that they find too difficult to perform, Bollywood actors have now started using 'acting doubles', for exactly the same reason. From now on, specially trained 'acting doubles' will fill in for superstars such as Shah Rukh Khan, Sunjay Dutt and Kareena Kapoor to perform all the on-screen histrionics that the stars themselves aren't skilled enough for, leaving them free to attend to the really important stuff, such as partying, appearing in news items, squabbling with each other and generally indulging in shameless self-promotion.


“It's very simple, you get doubles to do all those difficult things that you're not skilled enough to do. So this makes perfect sense.”, said alleged actor Salman Khan. “Now, finally, I can pull off all that pesky 'emoting' stuff that these idiot directors keep on harping about”, he said, suddenly ripping his shirt off and flexing his right pectoral. “You know, in the old days, they used to be called 'Dupes' The venerable Sivaji Ganesan always used to use 'Dupes' for tasks that were beyond him, such as cycling, skating, swimming and pretending that K.R.Vijaya was sexually attractive”, commented a tired looking Cho.Ramaswamy, pleased to contribute to a snippet for the first time.


This revolutionary new technique has spawned great demand for 'acting doubles' for several Bollywood superstars. Apparently, Anil Kapoor requires a double for pronouncing the word 'Millionaire', Sushmita Sen requires a 'chin double' to hide her double chin , and Hrithik Roshan (see pic) urgently needs a 'stop grinning like an idiot' double. Aamir Khan, as usual, has refused to have anything to do with the whole issue, since he's way too posh.

33 comments:

Unknown said...

Hahaha! This is ROFL brilliant!

Some actors could actually improve by using cardboard cutouts of themselvess, saving on production cost and providing a much needed lifeline to the beleaguered film industry.

Hope they recognize this at the next FilmFare awards and present you with something.

Bollywood owes you!

Akshay S Dinesh said...

How do they do it without getting caught?

Anonymous said...

Wow! Nice idea... I specially liked the wording "alleged actor, Salman Khan"... Very true! :)

buddy said...

and 2 doubles for lifting the respected, hon. Smt. K R Vijaya!

Anonymous said...

alleged actor salman khan.... awesome.

Anonymous said...

"The venerable Sivaji Ganesan always used to use 'Dupes' for tasks that were beyond him, such as cycling, skating, swimming and pretending that K.R.Vijaya was sexually attractive"
ha ha ha!
meanwhile, there was a small stampede for playing kamal's dupe (for some weird reason, the guys in line were puckering their lipe and checking their breath) while the actresses made a beeline for the exit.

no signal said...

I wish Salman uses a driving double..Cho.Ramaswamy, how are his eye balls ? Still evolving out of sockets ??

Anonymous said...

"pretending that K.R.Vijaya was sexually attractive" - Icing on the cake!

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Nice one. But where's Mr Saravanakumar?

Anonymous said...

Ingenious!!!!

Aishwariya Laxmi said...

I loved the "alleged actor Salman" bit! Hilarious...and also the part about "pretending that K.R. Vijaya was sexually attractive"...:)

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Nice to see so many fans of ole KRV. Thennagaththin Sharon Stone ;)

maxdavinci said...

wah K.R.Vijaya! 'Karpagam instinct' will never be the same again!

Anonymous said...

Now along with "K.R. Vijaya hot" bosey has "K.R. Vijaya sex" too. Happy googling, you sad sacks of shit.

Unknown said...

What if Akshay decides to do all the acting himself, like his stunts... :P
Nicely done. :)

Venting Macha said...

"Aamir Khan, as usual, has refused to have anything to do with the whole issue, since he's way too posh."

HAHAHA!

Loved your blog, have to be a regular! :)

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Anonymous - no such google pre-eminence. Try it and see - great news for KRV fans ;)

Nishanth said...

lol...that bit bout kr vijaya was too funny.. :D

The Mudd said...

K.R.Vijaya is teh_pWnage !! .. don tell me you actually googled that ..
think even she used dupes... whenever she had to say "ennanga
without crying ..cos she just couldn't do it.
besides the "acting double" could also help in scenes where they've to do "double acting"

Anonymous said...

The KR Vijaya comment was the best. Liked Anil Kapoor's reason to have a double too :D

Hilarious post as usual. Why not post something on the elections? Or Sins of a solar empire. Or Fear 2 Project Origin.

Anonymous said...

Also, since Grand is a Sakala Kalaa Vallavan, he is his own double, triple and quadruple.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

philramble - Sons of a Solar Empire!! A true gamer!!

Also, delighted that the moniker 'Grand' is finding popular acceptance ;)

Suuren D'sa said...

Not just the Nadigar Thilagam, quite a few of the heroines from the '60s and '70s used dupes.

'Falsies', they were called.

Anonymous said...

Ok KRV was definitely not a sex bomb but what about shivaji mama? He wasnt exactly a Brad Pitt either..

Anonymous said...

ROFL... great one!!

R S Prasanna said...

sooper

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, Grand has become a hit with self and friends. Also, you should bring back classic jokes like Charu Sharma, David Hasselhoff and Visu sometime.

Learning to build web apps fast said...

urgently needs a 'stop grinning like an idiot' double - ROFLGUROFL !

GU - Getting up :)

pretending KR Vijaya in sexually attractive.. lol

Abhishek said...

Awesome... wonderful idea... !!!

Anonymous said...

no others than hunk person in bollybood .ritik is best actor

Unknown said...

hai hrithik u r looking great

Unknown said...

Hai you r loooking great