Saturday, November 01, 2008

'Country Club' chairman Rajeev Reddy diagnosed with bizarre 'Thumbs-Up' paralysis.

by Anand Ramachandran, who believes that Rajeev Reddy deserves a full-length post.

The cherubic, cheerful and charismatic chairman of 'Country Club', Y.Rajeev Reddy has been diagnosed with a strange medical condition that 'paralyses' his right arm in his trademark 'thumbs-up' position. Contrary to popular belief, Mr.Reddy doesn't just strike the pose at the drop of a hat, but actually has no choice in the matter – his arm and thumb are locked in the position.

Rajeev Reddy, in obvious pain, manfully endures the dual agony of a paralyzed right arm and hanging out with Yana Gupta.

“Of course, it's true. What kind of idiot would randomly appear everywhere in the same cheesy pose out of his own free will?”, asked an irate Reddy, annoyed at the insinuation that he was merely trying to develop a 'style' of his own. “And before you ask . . . no, I'm not going to endorse Thums-Up.”, he barked irritably, before suddenly breaking into a grin, winking, and waving his permanent thumbs-up based hand at members of the public.

"Do you realize how hard it is for him to perform normal, everyday tasks like button up his suits, sign cheques, and play Call of Duty 4 on an XBOX controller? Leave him alone. Leave Mr.Reddy alone!", yelled Britney Spears, CHris Crocker and Seth Green in unison (not to be confused with the world-renowned medical imaging product from Manmar Technologies).

The revelation has not been received well by Reddy's legions of fans.

“This somehow isn't quite the same”, said a downcast Mansi Gandhi, a long time fan and aspiring member of Counry Club. “ The pose was so rakish. So dynamic. So macho. Now they're saying it was all a lie. I've been living a LIE!”, she sobbed uncontrollably.

“This won't do at all”, said Sankalesh Jimmy, who was planning to create a range of poseable action-figures of Mr.Reddy for the international and domestic markets. “What will happen to the thrill of buying a Rajeev Reddy action-figure, and then posing it in that unforgettable pose? Woe is us.”, he added rather dramatically, before setting off for China to discuss design changes with the manufacturers.

Some have reacted with disbelief, and have dismissed the news as rumours and hearsay propogated by Mr.Reddy's enemies.

“Rubbish. This is absurd. What will they tell us next, that Pluto isn't really a planet?”, said an unusually animated Jai Shankar Iyer, demonstrating his keen grasp on reality and current affairs.

“Certain things are sacrosanct. Like the bible, the theory of gravity, and Rajeev Reddy's trademark pose. They're not to be messed with”, said Nandini Reddy, no relation. This also marks the debut of the word 'sacrosanct' on Son of Bosey.

“Maybe it's a bit of both. Perhaps his hand got locked in to the position simply because of repeated use of the pose for long hours. It's possible. Plausible – not impossible. I'm irascible. Like a crucible.”, said wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, in a rare simultaneous display of balanced opinion and mean street rap rhyming skills.

The new campaign for the Country Club shows Mr.Reddy in his signature style, welcoming immigrants and locals alike to their United States property.

All this however, has hardly made a dent in the schedule of the irrepressible Mr.Reddy. He was last seen discussing a new advertising campaign depicting him as the Statue of Liberty, for launching Country Club properties in the United States.

Monday, October 27, 2008

After smoking ban, Anbumani Ramadoss goes after 'Passive Drinking'

After his widely publicized nationwide ban on smoking, health minister Anbumani Ramadoss has now decided to go after another so-called evil, 'Passive Drinking'. “Science has established that passive drinking is even more harmful than drinking, so we are calling for a complete ban on drinking in public places, such as parks, railway stations, pubs and bars.”, said Dr.Ramadoss, simultaneously demonstrating his compassionate nature by forcibly using his stethoscope on bemused bystanders.

When someone questioned the logic behind banning drinking from pubs and bars, the minister was quick with his reply. “ Because that's where it happens the most. What is the point of banning drinking in places like hospitals or places of worship, where it doesn't happen anyway?”, he asked, quite sensibly. “Hey, don't I look a bit like a young verion of that actor Suman?”, he asked suddenly, changing the subject with the dexterity of a practiced surgeon.

The minister also announced that the next initiative would be some sort of ban against those pesky people who claim to be 'high on life'.

BCCI officials forget about existence of New Zealand

In a development that is a disturbing reminder of the BCCI's increasingly insular and inward-looking attitude, many of its most senior officials have completely forgotten about New Zealand. In a recent meeting to discuss, among other things, bilateral ties with Sri Lanka, the upcoming T20 Champion's League and the participants of the England players in the IPL, not one mention was made of New Zealand in the entire three hours.

Things came to a head when Lalit Modi, the IPL commissioner, speaking on the state of test cricket, said “Meaningless test series, such as those between Australia and can safely be scrapped in favour of lucrative T20 matches. Players from will also benefit from such a move, since they can play in winning teams for a change.”, omitting the words 'New Zealand' completely from his statements.

When a member of the press tried to remind the BCCI officials about the country's existence, he was met with varied responses such as “Eh? What? Never heard of it.”, “ Oh yeah – that country that's near the edge of the map in RISK. Or was it Civilization IV?”, and “ You reporters are all the same. Next you'll be saying that there's a huge country called 'Canada' right next to the United States!”

New 'Oscars' for corporate films announced. P.C.Ramakrishna to get lifetime achievement.

In news sure to please movie buffs, the often ignored world of corporate films has been given a boost by the establishment of a 'Corporate Oscar Awards', that will reward creative and technical achievements in the field. “These films are true works of art, and deserve to be celebrated. How many other art forms can make thirty minutes seem like three years? Can mainstream cinema make you feel like your brain is being slowly, interminably shut down, one neuron at a time? Can videogames make random corporate guys feel like movie stars, albeit for a few minutes? Er . . I should stop now.”, said a sheepish looking Pravin Srinivasan, a noted corporate film critic.

Apart from the expected categories, Corporate Oscars will be awarded to some interesting ones such as 'Best use of Richard Clayderman or Yanni music”. “Best Gratuitous Power Point Special Effect”, and “Best Blurry JPEG Logo in a Film or Presentation”.

World-famous corporate film doyen, voice-over legend P.C.Ramakrishna will receive the first lifetime achievement award. “He is the Mel Blanc of corporate films. The Jose Carreras of Powerpoint. The Vader of voice-overs.”, gushed J.S.Iyer, the chairman of the jury. “This award is a recognition of PCR's stupendous achievement of making thousands of different corporate films sound exactly the same!”

In related news, an unnamed source is said to have spotted PCR on the ECR giving CPR to his VCR. More details on CNN.

Editor's note : This is the first post in a small experiment that is actually a sort of return to bosey's roots, if you will. Smaller, 'snippet' form pieces that will free me up to explore a far wider range of topics, more trivial stuff, 'local' news and things like that. Of late, every post has been a 'major headliner', and I'd like to return to some of the lighter, byte sized pieces as well. I will also continue to post longer articles when I feel like the idea is worthwhile. In the meanwhile, I hope you enjoy these snippets (and, as always, feel free to comment, suggest, criticize). Oh - and these will not feature S.U.Saravanakumar. He can only make time for the biggies.