Friday, August 15, 2008

Natraj enters computer peripherals market – introduces keyboard with 'Bonded Lead', Digital 'Ink Rubbers'!

by Anand Ramachandran, who got the idea from Ravi Abburi's magnificient Natraj obsession.

World renowned stationery manufacturer Natraj of Natraj Pencils fame has introduced a range of new products aimed at modern youngsters who use computers far more often than good ole pen and paper. The new range of products include a computer keyboard with their trademark 'Bonded Lead', a digital 'Ink Rubber', and a mysterious device known simply as 'coorpener'.

Vinay Nilakantan, cleverly disguised as Morgan Freeman, demonstrates the stunning uses of the new Bonded-Lead Keyboard from Natraj. The effects of the coorpener are clearly seen in the inset.

“We have always been a forward-thinking company. Hence we must change with the times and introduce products that are in tune with today's technology”, said a man known simply as 'Dharani'. “ Hooray! Now we can make a whole new bunch of animated ads that will depict our products as cutesy-pie cricket stumps, olympic athletes, and other assorted objects, and be remembered fondly for generations to come”, he added, before trotting off to the nearest Ogilvy and Mather for a pointless 'brainstorming session'.

The products have caused a lot of confusion among the general public, who are yet to figure out how they work or what they actually do. Natraj sales personnel have been stationed (heh heh) at various stationery (heh heh) outlets to demonstrate and explain the products.

“Look. This keyboard has bonded lead ! It won't break when you sharpen it !”, said well known technology guru Vinay Nilakantan, catching on quick as usual. “It's much better than legacy keyboards!”, he cooed happily. “What's more, you can actually write with it like a normal pencil – very useful during power cuts!”, he added.

The digital 'Ink Rubber' also stays true to its traditional media roots – it's a dull-pink and muddy-blue device that replaces the Backspace key on a normal keyboard, and actually scrapes away the surface of your monitor as it makes corrections. It also lacks 'scent' , and tastes like sawdust (er . . not that I would know, of course . . ). When someone asked the Natraj representative to explain why such a ridiculous product would be successful, he shot back “You first explain why people bought Ink Rubbers in the first place! Don't tell us how to do our job!”, with a blend of belligerence and stupidity that would have made an Airtel or HDFC Bank employee proud.

The new e-Ink Rubber from Natraj. Apparently, they are also working on a version that resembles a broken Topaz blade.

Perhaps the product that was most amazing was the 'Coorpener', which is actually a kind of 'Keyboard Sharpener'. After putting a keyboard through this strange device, the salesman then proceeded to demonstrate it's efficacy by touching one of its corners to his cheek and saying “Mmmmm. Cooooorp.”, to the stunned gathering. He also said that alternate methods of sharpening a keyboard, such as rubbing it repeatedly on a concrete floor, were useless.

“Yes, it will take some time for the consumers to figure out our new product range. After all, most of them still haven't figured out the real difference between 'Camel' and 'Camlin'! So they can't be all that bright, eh? Har Har!”, said a man known simply as “Moorthy”.

“It's good to see old companies like Natraj come out with such innovative products”, observed wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar. “Now, if only they'd bring out that long-awaited USB Protractor!”, he said, expressing the feelings of millions of geometry enthusiasts throughout the nation. “It's pronouned Geomentry!” said a stern Kishore Manohar, playing an unusual editing role on Son of Bosey.

Not to be left behind, Camlin have announced their own range of competing products, such as a Geometry Box that is graduated in pixels instead of inches, high resolution ink, and touch-screen blotting paper. Exciting times for stationery buffs.