Friday, May 23, 2008

Lalit Modi swells with self-importance, grows to gigantic size!

by Anand Ramachandran, who is neck-deep in the IPL and loving it

The citizens of Chennai were stunned early last week when they looked out their windows and saw, to their amazement, the gigantic figure of IPL chairman Lalit Modi outlined Godzilla-like against the city skyline.

Lalit Modi stops by Anna Flyover and checks out the chicks hanging out near Movenpick and Ispahani centre at one go.

Apparently, Mr.Modi, fuelled by the success of his beloved Indian Premier League, has swollen up with pride, joy, and self-congratulatory sentiment to such an alarming degree that it has caused him to grow to the proportions of Godzilla, King-Kong, or one of the larger, more important characters from Transformers.

Horrified onlookers looked on (hence earning the right to be called onlookers) as the monstrous Mr.Modi, looking smug as ever in his business suit, looked around casually, and strolled across to Spencer Plaza to scope out some Kashmiri rugs. “I am delighted that the IPL has been a resounding success! It's all thanks to me! ”, he beamed, growing several feet taller in the process.

“Oh my God! Look, it's a two hundred foot tall Lalit Modi”, blurted Egmore resident Victor Prasad, stating the ridiculously obvious as though he had spotted Ninjas hiding in the grocery. Others have helpfully pointed out that the increased visibility in Chennai due to the removal of hoardings was making it easier to spot giant monsters in the city.

Mr.Modi was last seen having a casual chat with the priests at the St.Thomas Mount church, reassuring them that he was not there to lie down and look at planes. Earlier, he was spotted delightedly traipsing across Gemini circle in a few athletic strides, pointing and laughing at the people stuck in traffic below.

“Look at him, how he has simply shot up!”, gurgled Mr.Modi's grandmother fondly. “It's as if only yesterday he was this little.”, she said, pointing in the general direction of her ankles. She also attempted to pinch his cheeks, but failed miserably as they were located approximately near the thirteenth floor of the LIC building (which, reassuringly, remains the poster-child for tallness in Chennai).

“Lalit Modi is a tall man”, said Ravi Shastri, jumping at the opportunity to use one of his favourite catchphrases.

“Impossible for a man to be so tall. It's all camera tricks, I tell you!”, scoffed Ambi Mama, scornful as ever, and unmindful of all the special effects technology that has emerged post Vitalacharya.

Apparently, scientists and doctors observing the phenomenon are predicting that Mr.Modi could well end up at over three hundred feet before the IPL is over. “Who said no individual is bigger than the game?”, quipped Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, never one to miss out on a chance at sardonic wit.

“Wait . . how did his suit also grow along with him? Wouldn't it be ripped to shreds . . . “, asked well-known rationalist Pravin Srinivasan, before being whisked away to an unknown location by writers of comics such as the Hulk and the Fantastic Four.

In related news, three separate people reported seeing four-inch versions of former ICC CEO Malcolm Speed in their kitchen drawers.