Friday, March 14, 2008

Arun Lal Delighted for No Particular Reason

by Anand Ramachandran, who is delighted that there is no 24 hour channel featuring only Arun Lal . Yet.

King blade cricket commentator and former opening batsman Arun Lal has told the press that he is delighted.

“I’m delighted. Thank you.”, ran the official press release, made available to the media at Kanpur, where Lal is currently busy as his role as CEO of the Kanpur IPL team, which, thankfully, doesn't exist at all.

When our correspondent caught up with him to investigate further, Arun Lal elaborated “ I’m not particularly interesting. I’m rated among the bottom rung of commentators. I’m not romantically involved with Beyonce Knowles. There’s no particular reason for my happiness – I can’t explain it.” He then did an impromptu jig of joy and traipsed into the commentary box, cheerfully repeating the words “Fraught with risk”, to the puzzlement of his fellow media professionals.

The Son of Bosey team would like to apologize for the poor quality of this photograph of Arun Lal, which is dull, colourless and unclear. Just like his commentary. We asked wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar to provide a better one, but he couldn't find anything on the net.

“I know we shouldn’t have let him have those sugary Gulab Jamoons at last night’s media party.”, fumed an exasperated Ravi Shastri, shaking his head.

Understandably, there is a lot of speculation as to the possible reasons for Lal's annoyingly upbeat frame of mind.

“Perhaps it is the realization that he is a first cousin of yesteryears commentator Akash Lal”, said noted sports psychologist Pavan Kachibhatla. “The happiness could stem from the fact that he isn't even the worst commentator in his own family.”

In response, Akash Lal refused to say anything other than “He plaaayed soo weeaaaehhhl”, in his now-forgotten, but once exceedingly irritating nasal drawl.

“Perhaps it is the realization that there was a commentator called Kini Lal”, said noted Doordarshan based sports fan Tony Chacko, appearing in a paragraph eerily similar to the earlier one featuring Pavan Kachibhatla. “The happiness could stem from the fact that he isn't even the worst commentator named Lal.”

Arun Lal, meanwhile, has inexplicably been going on full swing with the launch of his Kanpur IPL franchise. “Hmmm . . . what shall we call the team, I wonder? The Kanpur Non-Entities? The Northern Nobodies? The Heartland Hindi-Speakers? Tee Hee!”, he giggled uncontrollably. When a reporter pointed out that there was no Kanpur team in the IPL, Lal retorted cheerfully, quipping “Good, Good. So then there's no chance of us losing to that miserable Bangalore side! Huzzah!”

“Arun Lal. He reminds me of Shekhar Kapoor!”, said upcoming cricket fan Raj Golay. He also took the opportunity to point out that former England captain Nasser Hussain looked alarmingly like former Russian head honcho Vladimir Putin.

Doctor W.G.Grace was, understandably, unavailable for comment, as he has been dead for over 90 years.