Saturday, June 21, 2008

Kamal Haasan Inspires Tamil Film Industry to Institute Aaskar Awards!

by Anand Ramachandran, who is not 'insteet' but 'practical'.

In a quick and stunningly pro-active response to Kamal Hassan's comments about the Oscars, the tamil film industry has instituted a new award that will honour accomplishments in areas that are important to local sensibilities and context.


The awards will be known as the AASKAR (Academy that Agrees Stupidly to Kamal's Arbid Requests) awards, and will be handed out at a glittering ceremony at German Hall next March.








Renowned actor Prakash Raj proudly displays the Aaskar that he is going to win for 'Best Performance as a Bad Guy Who Talks Like a Good Guy'.


Speaking on behalf of the newly formed academy, film fanatic Tony Chacko said “We will honour all those things about Tamil cinema that snobbish institutions like the Oscar Awards continue to ignore. For instance, we will have an award for 'Best Class Film', and 'Best Mass Film'.”, he said, to thunderous applause from Perarasu. Apparently, the Aaskars will also honour films with 'Best Youth Subject', 'Best Pathos', and 'Best Sincere Lou'.


There will also be a range of unique awards for actors, in categories such as 'Best Performance as a Hero's Friend', 'Best Sister Role', and 'Best Performance by Charlie as a College Student'(which, of course, will go to Charlie every year). Awards have also been announced for outstanding performances in categories like 'Rich Girls', 'Marwari Aunties', and 'Panchayat Heads'.


“This is great news!”, gushed an ecstasic Priya Krishnan, known all over the world for her love for cinema. “Now we can all play chess!”, she said, strangely.


“I hope this is not some sort of a joke or spoof. ”, said Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, breaking the fourth wall with consummate ease.


Apparently, writers and technicians will also be given their due. Among the awards for their contributions are 'Best Griffness in a Screenplay', 'Best Punch Dialogue', 'Best Needless Special Effects' and 'Best Interval Bang'. There is also rumoured to be a special award for 'Best Performance by Vijayakumar as Sarath Kumar's Dad' (which, of course, will go to Vijayakumar every year).


The award itself is a statuette that depicts Kamal Hassan screaming with rage (at the Oscars, probably). “It's a truly grand trophy”, said well-known architect Chiraag Kapoor, cheek firmly in tongue (er . . tongue firmly in cheek . . er . . both are same). The trophy has been designed by someone named Thyagu.









Kamal Haasan, rejecting preliminary designs for the Aaskar Award Statuette, expresses his displeasure to the designer (not in picture).


In order to avoid the embarrassing situation of Grand (Kamal Hassan) not winning any award, the organisers have decided to give him a 'Lifetime Achievement' award for his entire lifetime. “His entire lifetime is an achievement!”, said R.S.Prasanna, a lifetime fan of Grand's lifetime.


In fact, the academy is not only celebrating Tamil Cinema, but will have certain awards for excellence in other language films as well. 'Best Pointless Rahul Bose Film', 'Best Original Bollywood Song that Eerily Resembles A European Hit', and 'Least Hopeless Kannada Film', are some of the categories that will cater to the rest of the country.


The announcement has sent producer Oscar Aaskar Ravichandran into fits of desperation, as he now has to change his name once more. According to sources, he has shortlised 'Aughscar', 'Wahskhar', and 'Gavaskar' as possibilities.

26 comments:

R S Prasanna said...

"aaahhh... welll.... its getting too technical... "

I recently am seing a lot of rajini-like fan behavior towards my thalaivar. Very interesting.

A lot of people who are analysing Dasa a lil too in-depth. Chaos theory. butterfly effect. Comparison to the 10 avtars.

Not to be outdone by his own starts, Thalai will surely come out with a super twist -

'Dasavatharam was actually base ont he 10 commandments.'

Prashanth Nuggehalli Srinivas said...

"....least hopeless Kannada film".....he he. I liked the gap between posts this time! Thanks again for an Aascar screenplay quality blog. :)

Anonymous said...

More award suggestions:

1. Best Naattaamai Role Award
2. Best Saadi movie of the year Award
3. Sarath Kumar as father/elder brother/son/younger brother of Sarath Kumar award.
4. Sarath Babu as Best Friend of Rajnikanth Award.
5. Best "Gabtun" role Award
6. Best Vivek "Adaa Paavigaalaa" Dialogue Award

More coming up soon :-)

Anonymous said...

Suggested award: Best Song to be Buffalaxed? Or Song With Most Potential for Buffalaxing?

Anonymous said...

In a stunning twist at Aaskar 2012, actor Murali will make a triumphant return to Kollywood by winning 'Best Performance by Charlie as a College Student'. Even Charlie will have to join in the standing-O.

Hilarious post, Anand!

- Manoj

Jagadish said...

Hmm ... 'Tony Chacko'. The name is far too familiar - some Vidya Mandir or DAV connection for sure. I recall you chaps also quoted 'noted middle distance runner Kumar Chandrasekhar' a year or so ago in some posting. So there's a definite VM connection!

Anonymous said...

Please Anand, Review Dasavataram! I just have to hear your comments on the film!!

Anonymous said...

Did you know I was a student of Vidya Mandir Mylapore from KG up to 12th standard?

So there is definitely a VM connection.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Hahaha - much speculation!

Nope. No VM connection, other than Kum-Chan. Sorry to disappoint ;)

In fact, we're all too dumb to be CBSE guys - all state board based. Except Sumant - but he's never written anything here anyway ;)

Anonymous said...

Tony Chacko rings a bells because ck=de. If that doesn't make sense, use the search bar at top left. And prepare to be enlightened.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Tony Chacko! What would this blog do without him? Luckily, he's always available for the occasional Bosey apearance. Just like Saravanakumar!

Unknown said...

greatest article

Anonymous said...

This just in fellas..sources close to eminent director ravichandran(sources live next door),who(ravichandran)was forced to change his name again for obvious reasons,has settled with the proper noun 'madagaascar',after watching the animated movie 'marty in madagascar',which was aired on star movies a few weeks bck.Sources say hearsay information says the other shortlisted names simply lacked essential consonants.reports and heat signatures suggest that the sources providing this intel are renewable and non polluting.This is khader nawaz khan reporting live from khader nawaz khan road,chennai.

Gorfus Horribulus said...

Hope you remember the short, but ill-fated attempts of various bikes to institute their own "Bhaskar Awards"...

Anonymous said...

the monkey in Dasavatharam should get the best actor award and the TSunami should get the award for most delayed appearance. Why oh why could the Tsunami not start at the beginning and immerse everything about this god forsaken movie starting with Kamal Haasan.

Unknown said...

why do u always refer to kamal as "grand"?

Anonymous said...

whatever you lousy jealous people say,he is the no.1 actor in the entire country.no body can even come close to his acting skills.he is the best.
dont just see the make up in dashavatharam,look at his body lang,his dialects,their slang for each character is praiseworthy.
long live the king,our kamalhassan.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Anonmymous - yeah, we're reeeeealllly jealous. There's no way any of us can say 'Undezzbellzzzy of the Aizhzhczhaupht', or 'Blaahdy Blaggaaaards' with half the panache of Grand!!

Anonymous said...

remember hiroshima...remember pearl harbour....wow

Anonymous said...

Off post: One of the new Pitt/Jolie juniors is called Knox Leon. Your X/Z in name theory has been proved yet again! See that!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

varali - heh. I noticed that, and in fact, was hajaar disappointed that the other child had no such name. Drat!

ambica said...

anand, ambica here..have been following the blog for a bit now...machann, it rocks and you are fucking talented..dont remmember the origin of 'bosey' though..

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

ambix - good to see you here. In fact, the name 'Bosey' is due to the vast combined general knowledge of Inispector and Mr.Big (haha that sounds like Scarecrow and Mrs.King). It is the Australian word for Googly.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anand, you forgot the special "Viewer's Choice" award for the first 10 people in the audience who have made out that the 2 Asins in Dasa are actually KH in 2 more roles..

Actually he had rounded off the numebr of roles to Dasavatharam...It should have actually been "barah-avataram"...

priya krishnan said...

Aaskar award for Vadivelu's most innovative moustache shape (which goes to vadivelu every year of course) and best dialogue by Grand in a film def goes to 'vettaiaddu...' for the dialogue - "Enna da..neega enna gay aaah?"

maru said...

coming future i will come a best director of tamil industries...
i can give good film for kamalahasan....