In a quick and stunningly pro-active response to Kamal Hassan's comments about the Oscars, the tamil film industry has instituted a new award that will honour accomplishments in areas that are important to local sensibilities and context.
The awards will be known as the AASKAR (Academy that Agrees Stupidly to Kamal's Arbid Requests) awards, and will be handed out at a glittering ceremony at German Hall next March.
|Renowned actor Prakash Raj proudly displays the Aaskar that he is going to win for 'Best Performance as a Bad Guy Who Talks Like a Good Guy'.|
Speaking on behalf of the newly formed academy, film fanatic Tony Chacko said “We will honour all those things about Tamil cinema that snobbish institutions like the Oscar Awards continue to ignore. For instance, we will have an award for 'Best Class Film', and 'Best Mass Film'.”, he said, to thunderous applause from Perarasu. Apparently, the Aaskars will also honour films with 'Best Youth Subject', 'Best Pathos', and 'Best Sincere Lou'.
There will also be a range of unique awards for actors, in categories such as 'Best Performance as a Hero's Friend', 'Best Sister Role', and 'Best Performance by Charlie as a College Student'(which, of course, will go to Charlie every year). Awards have also been announced for outstanding performances in categories like 'Rich Girls', 'Marwari Aunties', and 'Panchayat Heads'.
“This is great news!”, gushed an ecstasic Priya Krishnan, known all over the world for her love for cinema. “Now we can all play chess!”, she said, strangely.
“I hope this is not some sort of a joke or spoof. ”, said Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, breaking the fourth wall with consummate ease.
Apparently, writers and technicians will also be given their due. Among the awards for their contributions are 'Best Griffness in a Screenplay', 'Best Punch Dialogue', 'Best Needless Special Effects' and 'Best Interval Bang'. There is also rumoured to be a special award for 'Best Performance by Vijayakumar as Sarath Kumar's Dad' (which, of course, will go to Vijayakumar every year).
The award itself is a statuette that depicts Kamal Hassan screaming with rage (at the Oscars, probably). “It's a truly grand trophy”, said well-known architect Chiraag Kapoor, cheek firmly in tongue (er . . tongue firmly in cheek . . er . . both are same). The trophy has been designed by someone named Thyagu.
|Kamal Haasan, rejecting preliminary designs for the Aaskar Award Statuette, expresses his displeasure to the designer (not in picture).|
In order to avoid the embarrassing situation of Grand (Kamal Hassan) not winning any award, the organisers have decided to give him a 'Lifetime Achievement' award for his entire lifetime. “His entire lifetime is an achievement!”, said R.S.Prasanna, a lifetime fan of Grand's lifetime.
In fact, the academy is not only celebrating Tamil Cinema, but will have certain awards for excellence in other language films as well. 'Best Pointless Rahul Bose Film', 'Best Original Bollywood Song that Eerily Resembles A European Hit', and 'Least Hopeless Kannada Film', are some of the categories that will cater to the rest of the country.
The announcement has sent producer
Oscar Aaskar Ravichandran into fits of desperation, as he now has to change his name once more. According to sources, he has shortlised 'Aughscar', 'Wahskhar', and 'Gavaskar' as possibilities.