Friday, May 23, 2008

Lalit Modi swells with self-importance, grows to gigantic size!

by Anand Ramachandran, who is neck-deep in the IPL and loving it

The citizens of Chennai were stunned early last week when they looked out their windows and saw, to their amazement, the gigantic figure of IPL chairman Lalit Modi outlined Godzilla-like against the city skyline.

Lalit Modi stops by Anna Flyover and checks out the chicks hanging out near Movenpick and Ispahani centre at one go.

Apparently, Mr.Modi, fuelled by the success of his beloved Indian Premier League, has swollen up with pride, joy, and self-congratulatory sentiment to such an alarming degree that it has caused him to grow to the proportions of Godzilla, King-Kong, or one of the larger, more important characters from Transformers.

Horrified onlookers looked on (hence earning the right to be called onlookers) as the monstrous Mr.Modi, looking smug as ever in his business suit, looked around casually, and strolled across to Spencer Plaza to scope out some Kashmiri rugs. “I am delighted that the IPL has been a resounding success! It's all thanks to me! ”, he beamed, growing several feet taller in the process.

“Oh my God! Look, it's a two hundred foot tall Lalit Modi”, blurted Egmore resident Victor Prasad, stating the ridiculously obvious as though he had spotted Ninjas hiding in the grocery. Others have helpfully pointed out that the increased visibility in Chennai due to the removal of hoardings was making it easier to spot giant monsters in the city.

Mr.Modi was last seen having a casual chat with the priests at the St.Thomas Mount church, reassuring them that he was not there to lie down and look at planes. Earlier, he was spotted delightedly traipsing across Gemini circle in a few athletic strides, pointing and laughing at the people stuck in traffic below.

“Look at him, how he has simply shot up!”, gurgled Mr.Modi's grandmother fondly. “It's as if only yesterday he was this little.”, she said, pointing in the general direction of her ankles. She also attempted to pinch his cheeks, but failed miserably as they were located approximately near the thirteenth floor of the LIC building (which, reassuringly, remains the poster-child for tallness in Chennai).

“Lalit Modi is a tall man”, said Ravi Shastri, jumping at the opportunity to use one of his favourite catchphrases.

“Impossible for a man to be so tall. It's all camera tricks, I tell you!”, scoffed Ambi Mama, scornful as ever, and unmindful of all the special effects technology that has emerged post Vitalacharya.

Apparently, scientists and doctors observing the phenomenon are predicting that Mr.Modi could well end up at over three hundred feet before the IPL is over. “Who said no individual is bigger than the game?”, quipped Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, never one to miss out on a chance at sardonic wit.

“Wait . . how did his suit also grow along with him? Wouldn't it be ripped to shreds . . . “, asked well-known rationalist Pravin Srinivasan, before being whisked away to an unknown location by writers of comics such as the Hulk and the Fantastic Four.

In related news, three separate people reported seeing four-inch versions of former ICC CEO Malcolm Speed in their kitchen drawers.


AXE 316 said...

“Lalit Modi is a tall man”, said Ravi Shastri, jumping at the opportunity to use one of his favourite catchphrases.

Hahahaha! I'm laughing out loud in my office.

AXE out.

Logik said...

4-inch Malcolm speed... ROTFL.

Lalit modi appears very modest in his interviews. Smug, though is the right word...
And, what's with his accent? Or is it a speech defect?

Arjun Sharma said...

Finally! Bosey's back. Good.

What with the Rajasthan Royals making it through and the Bangalore Royal Challengers failing to qualify for the semifinals, I was about to lose my sanity with all these impossible things happening around me. Now, a sense of normalcy returns.

Jeavine said...

I heart this blog. You rule, Amit!

Anonymous said...

@ Axe316 — So am I, dude!

Anand rules!

Arjun Sharma said...

[rainmaker] Who's Amit?

Subramaniam Avinash said...

who's amit? if you live in the blogosphere, look out of the window. you'll see him towering over the skyline.

Unknown said...

well, what can i say...we were pretty impressed and would like to feature you in the online section of our can check our magazine at .will u please give us a contact number or an email ID so that we could talk further at

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Wanderer - welcome! We just LOVE people who are named after Status Quo songs!

Heh - as long as Amit sends traffic my way, he rocks! Everywhere! And don't forget his quiz-mastery!

And Son of Bosey is named because it is the spiritual (and actual) successor to, a site we did in the old days. The archives are still available - look in the sidebar.

Anonymous said...

Anand, excellent and humourous take on Lalit Modi and Ravi Shastri's ravings on this guy.

I'd love it if you could read my latest humour article also. I love writing humour like this myself.

Anonymous said...

As a fan, I must say this doesnt match up to the exalted standards of bosey.
But let me read between the lines:
1. Modi *actually* was smart enough to implicitly/explicitly force Sharukh from publishing your spoofs.
2. Modi *actually* was smart enough to link this site to you to Sharukh

I think if yes, a stronger spoof was needed - someone needs to hit Modi below the belt, who better than bosey - perhaps emotion clouded competence here?

Anonymous said...

Having said that, the Ravi Shastri bit was too clever - this goes back to the smart-recycle theory I had propounded(ha!ha! brownie points for using that word) in my earlier analysis of bosey humour.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...


Dude, you think about this blog way more than I do. Sigh.

No - Modi, SRK, You - no one really influences what I write here. So, if you find the post unfunny, it has nothing to do with any seamy, dark, mysterious pressures - it's just plain incompetence ;)

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

oh - and whoever said anything about stopping my spoofs on KKR? Here :

And new ones every week.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the standards have dropped. But then, 3 months with Sharukh Khan should make even the genius mediocre so understandable

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Anonymous - you're right. We're geniuses. At masking mediocrity using devices such as clever puns, bad graphics, and S.U.Saravanakumar!

Readers who feel standards have dropped obviously haven't read all of the tripe we've put out over the years!

Seriously - thanks for participating and criticizing.

sid said...

hehe..i love the pic..lalit modi checking out chicks at movenpik and he's grown so big that he's actually become really sad..
good blog..

Anonymous said...

"Lalit Modi is a tall man"... love your obsession for shastri's cliche... good dude.

Anonymous said...

ha! We have read all of the tripe put up over the years and we still maintain, this is the nadir. No more excuses, please :-)
- raj, probably your fan-most fan :-)

AnthonyJS said...

You are bloody hilarious...first time I've been to your linked by Indiauncut. Brilliant man!

byker7 said...

what was truly priceless, was shastri describing makhaya n'tini during the awards after the final, as "the man who's brought so much colour into this chennai super kings side."

Daniel McBrearty said...

nice one!

could it be the delayed effect of substances consumed while at Duke that are behind this sudden growth spurt?

Viswanathan said...

Hey Anand.. Well in no way have the standards come down (and of course you don't need another visitor to re-iterate that).
But I do wish sometimes that cricket forms perhaps 50% of your articles. I know that cricket is the in-thing now and great bosey entertainment, but I really (yes really) trip on the ambi-mamas and P-James kind of articles.
Anyway, you still create plenty of laughs at work. Keep 'em coming!

Narendra shenoy said...

Brilliantly written! Laughed my ass off.

An interesting side line of research is which is taller, Lalit Modi or the Giant Pile-a-Cash created by him.

Anonymous said...

You guys are crazy! Lalit Modi is possibly the smartest man in the history of Sports! What he has done for cricket has revolustionised the Game! IPL would not have been possible with out him!!!

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

Shukalaji Bhaplu - the best name ever invented! And YOU'RE calling US crazy??!!!??

Anonymous said...

Lalit modi is a miracle man and able to help in becoming india more power ful.
Sir I want to say that my son (Rohan)is studying in 9th std. and doing well, he is very inteligent and much more labourious playing excellent cricket he is 14 years of age i request you to kindly let him give a chance to prove. I know that u will be surprised to see his telent.

Dr AK Tripathi

Nady555 said...

I don't know what it is take to write something which can hypnotize you in my favor.

Like everybody else I too want to play IPL. But there is one small difference between me and them and that is attitude for cricket.

I just find this sports in me. If possible just try me for once.

I know may be this request will be unanswered forever but I am taking my chance. Here is my email ID
and one more time I am taking my chance by writing here my number because you can call me more easily than writing some mail.


Nadeem Ahmed