Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Andre Agassi to star in new multimillion dollar film based on comic 'Henry'!

by Anand Ramachandran, who reads more comics than can possibly be healthy.

With Hollywood gung-ho about making films based on comics (since they're easier than coming up with original material), comic fans eagerly lap up information about what films they can expect to see after upcoming blockbusters such as 'Iron Man', 'Watchmen' and 'The Incredible Hulk'.

One of the more unusual projects that has been announced is a multimillion dollar extravaganza based on the comic 'Henry', created by Carl Anderson, and later drawn by Don Trachte. In a casting coup, the producers have signed on an ideal candidate to play the bald headed protagonist – none other than former tennis star Andre Agassi!

Andre Agassi blows kisses to the crowd, thrilled that his head is shaped eerily like that of Henry, a crucial factor in his landing the coveted role.

“I'm delighted to be playing Henry, as I've always wanted to be in a comic book movie!”, beamed a delighted Agassi. “And, unlike Nicolas Cage, at least I look like the character I want to play!”, he added. Agassi was also reportedly delighted with the ease of the script he needed to memorize, which consisted mostly of '?', '!', and various combinations of the two, such as '???!?'.

Sources have revealed that the film will basically be a non-stop barrage of lame jokes built around umbrellas, walking sticks, cats, prams, and food articles (especially bakery items).

“Henry? Wasn't that the random, blade comic that used to appear at the back of 'Phantom' and 'Mandrake' ?”, asked world renowned wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, right on the button as usual. “Well, there is a striking resemblance, so I guess Agassi is a good fit. What a pity Kulbooshan Karbandha is too old!”, he signed off.

While the casting of Henry has gone like a shot, there is much confusion over who will play his girlfriend Henrietta. Among names being discussed are Scarlett Johansson, Sienna Miller, and reasonably enough, Agassi himself in a blond wig. Aishwarya Rai, it has been learned, has refused the role, since she was too busy making Pav-Bhaaji for her in-laws.

For the role of the dog, producers are apparently considering names such as the Hutch Pug, and the random mongrel who has a cameo in that Sam Anderson movie.

Agassi, in true sportsmanlike fashion, consoles a dejected james Blake, who narrowly missed out on the role of Henry for being too tall. Among other potential candidates to lose out were Thierry Henry (too dark), Kulbooshan Karbandha (too old), Telly Savalas (too dead), and Slash (too hairy)

“Why Henry? Why doesn't anyone make a movie on Garth? Or Mike Nomad? Or Kerry Drake? Or Rip Kirby?”, rattled an agitated Arun Narasimhan, in a rare instance of vague-comic-book-hero- name-dropping. He also then proceeded to demonstrate his deep knowledge of equally vague cricketers, muttering “Kailash Gattani. Gopal Sharma. Raju Kulkarni” under his breath as he walked away.

“I'd like to see a movie on Bahadur!”, said a nostalgic Ravi George Mathew. “What a pity Danny Denzongpa is too old!”, he added, inadvertently providing some mild succour to Kulbooshan Karbandha loyalists reading this article.

Thankfully, no one has yet has given Hollywood the idea of making films based on the Lijjat Pappad Bunny. Oops. Our bad.

Fashion houses are scrambling to meet an expected surge in demand for red t-shirts and black shorts. “Hooray! I just love guys wearing red-T-shirts and black shorts”, said a visibly excited Mansi Gandhi, shortly before being kidnapped by former Fijian rebel George Speight. Or was it some cop from Bermuda? We're not quite sure.

However, on a sadder note, it has been learned that Agassi, regardless of his performance, will not be in the running for any major 'Best Actor' awards, as all of those have been already given to Shah Rukh Khan for his scintillating performance in pretending to be interested in cricket.


Navaneethan Santhanam said...

A pity no one has decided to make a movie based on my hero, Chacha Choudhary (and his assistant Sabu, with special guest Tinku Master). You could even have Pinky and Billoo in cameo roles, as well as Chajju Choudhary, Chacha's identical twin brother.

There is, of course, the issue of how to demonstrate to viewers that Chacha's brain, 'works faster than a computer'.

Prashanth Nuggehalli Srinivas said...

In his previous hairy avatar, Agassi could try Hagar the horrible...what say!
As usual, great post.

Gayatri said...

the random mongrel who has a cameo in that Sam Anderson movie-- lol :)

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

wordsmith - I have actually heard that someone in Bollywood is actually making a movie on Chacha C. It'll be awesome. They could cast Anupam Kher!!

Prashanth - thanks. And Agassi in his earlier avatar could only play . . . Henrietta!!

Gayatri - good spot ;)

Anonymous said...

No movies on Bussnath? Bussss :(

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

k - Hahahaha. Bussnath would probably have to be played by Sir Ian McKellen!

Unknown said...

Also, the hit detective duo Lambu-Chotu.

He he, thanks for reminding us of Henry. Had forgotten that comic. I remember, I used to like the Garth and Rip Kirby books. Especially this one Garth story where some mad scientist keeps making female androids and injecting Garth with drugs of some sort. I feel a little ashamed now.

visesh said...

found a rather moth eaten Archiessomewhere in my house, bleh, try reading it now goats.

Esp the in between pages with puzzles where Archie and Dilton address teh reader as "Hi Gang". Which for some vague reason sounds like T.R. saying "Youth"

Henry is super, i think he's a well fed and well to do Suppandi living abroad.

AXE 316 said...

Hahaha Henry!

Machan I hope Sinead o' Connor was not barred from casting of the role because she tore up picture of the pope?

In fact, the previous pope himself should have shortlisted.

AXE out.

Arvind Saba said...

I think Mani Rathnam 'sir' or Shankar 'sir' should make a movie on our very own "Nagraj" ( http://arvindneel.com/pics/Shakoora!.jpg ) as a competition to Henry.
We can probably introduce some hero called "AndraPradesh Agassi" to appeal to the southern crowd.

R S Prasanna said...

I would love to second fello-commentor's wish. I am all for 'chacha choudry' on screen. But more than showing the 'faster than computer'on screen, it will be difficult to show the wrong english spelling . . . and the unexplainable, sudden appearances of Hindi exclamatory words! A challenge to the filmmaker, truly!

Anonymous said...

“Why Henry? Why doesn't anyone make a movie on Garth? Or Mike Nomad? Or Kerry Drake? Or Rip Kirby?”, rattled an agitated Arun Narasimhan, in a rare instance of vague-comic-book-hero- name-dropping.

You don't leave even your own friends out of Bosey do you?? But nice laughs..

Anonymous said...

Wonder how moby feels about this debauchery, or even sehwag for that matter!

Hope it does better than the one they made with Nandita Das and Shabana Azmi.

Anonymous said...

Simply Amazing! I started reading today and now i jus cant stop! this is my fav post till now. Good job guys