Friday, March 14, 2008

Arun Lal Delighted for No Particular Reason

by Anand Ramachandran, who is delighted that there is no 24 hour channel featuring only Arun Lal . Yet.

King blade cricket commentator and former opening batsman Arun Lal has told the press that he is delighted.

“I’m delighted. Thank you.”, ran the official press release, made available to the media at Kanpur, where Lal is currently busy as his role as CEO of the Kanpur IPL team, which, thankfully, doesn't exist at all.

When our correspondent caught up with him to investigate further, Arun Lal elaborated “ I’m not particularly interesting. I’m rated among the bottom rung of commentators. I’m not romantically involved with Beyonce Knowles. There’s no particular reason for my happiness – I can’t explain it.” He then did an impromptu jig of joy and traipsed into the commentary box, cheerfully repeating the words “Fraught with risk”, to the puzzlement of his fellow media professionals.

The Son of Bosey team would like to apologize for the poor quality of this photograph of Arun Lal, which is dull, colourless and unclear. Just like his commentary. We asked wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar to provide a better one, but he couldn't find anything on the net.

“I know we shouldn’t have let him have those sugary Gulab Jamoons at last night’s media party.”, fumed an exasperated Ravi Shastri, shaking his head.

Understandably, there is a lot of speculation as to the possible reasons for Lal's annoyingly upbeat frame of mind.

“Perhaps it is the realization that he is a first cousin of yesteryears commentator Akash Lal”, said noted sports psychologist Pavan Kachibhatla. “The happiness could stem from the fact that he isn't even the worst commentator in his own family.”

In response, Akash Lal refused to say anything other than “He plaaayed soo weeaaaehhhl”, in his now-forgotten, but once exceedingly irritating nasal drawl.

“Perhaps it is the realization that there was a commentator called Kini Lal”, said noted Doordarshan based sports fan Tony Chacko, appearing in a paragraph eerily similar to the earlier one featuring Pavan Kachibhatla. “The happiness could stem from the fact that he isn't even the worst commentator named Lal.”

Arun Lal, meanwhile, has inexplicably been going on full swing with the launch of his Kanpur IPL franchise. “Hmmm . . . what shall we call the team, I wonder? The Kanpur Non-Entities? The Northern Nobodies? The Heartland Hindi-Speakers? Tee Hee!”, he giggled uncontrollably. When a reporter pointed out that there was no Kanpur team in the IPL, Lal retorted cheerfully, quipping “Good, Good. So then there's no chance of us losing to that miserable Bangalore side! Huzzah!”

“Arun Lal. He reminds me of Shekhar Kapoor!”, said upcoming cricket fan Raj Golay. He also took the opportunity to point out that former England captain Nasser Hussain looked alarmingly like former Russian head honcho Vladimir Putin.

Doctor W.G.Grace was, understandably, unavailable for comment, as he has been dead for over 90 years.


Lavanya said...

awesome stuff! :D

Anonymous said...

i know NO cricket, but this was hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

pchh.. not to bosey standards

Arjun Sharma said...

Damn, damn it! I've always expressed the opinion that Nasser Hussain and Vladimir Putin looked alike, but never written about it. Now everyone'll think I stole the idea off you.

Here's another set:-
Vladimir Putin -- Nasser Hussain -- Robert Carlyle

Tom Cruise -- Patrick Rafter -- Niranjan J Damle

Lyricist Vairamuthu -- some former coach of the Pakistani hockey team(I don't know his name)

Very funny, as usual. I commend you on this and hope you receive money and other fine things.

Arun Lal and Beyonce, that'll be amazing. 'Arun Knowles' or 'Beyonce Lal,' both sound astoundingly bad.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

"Bosey standards"??

Yay!!! We have standards!

Anonymous said...

As usual a great article. Somebody who's never heard Arun Lal's commentary can never appreciate the subtle humour in this delightful piece. :-)

Logik said...

Arun Lal is still way better than losers like Kapil Dev, Maninder Singh, Ranjit Fernando who either butcher English, or endlessly repeat the same nonsense again and again.

Although Sidhu is a pile of bullshit, he still qualifies as cheap entertainment.

Anyways, Arun Lal is as awesome, as much as Bosey's standards, and Saravanakumar's googling skills.

Turrtle said...

Awesome stuff.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure Ravi Shastri said - "I know we shouldn’t have let him have those sugary Gulab Jamoons at last night’s media party?". That doesn't sound like him. The Champion of Cliche Champions would have said - "Despite being a seasoned campaigner, the gulab jamoons went like tracer bullets into his mouth after clearing the outfield"

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...


And followed up with "That's just what the doctor ordered!"

AXE 316 said...

Haha Arun lal. Looks a bit like DJ Ray V in that pic.

Machan - check out this link for some more arun lal and other cricket based funny quotes.

AXE out.

Anonymous said...

hari, even without havign heard much of Arun lal, I can enjoy the humour in this piece. Thing is a lot of stuff that gets passed off as humour (, for instance) is based on taking some recent event, addign spice, makign some inflammatory exaggeration and some sarcasm). Stuff like this is subtle, lovely and based on the writing alone. Kind of wodehousian.

Thats what I love. All you need to enjoy the lovely humour in this piece is to , which an intelligent reader will do after the first 2 paragraphs, understand the basic premise "Arun Lal is a boring commentator". In that sense, this is timeless. If your humour is based on Sharukh Khan's personal traits or just a clever twisty take on recent news, then it obviously fades in a few months.

Ofcourse, the Ravi Shastri bit shows a fall in sharp wit. But we'll take that. The WG Grace stuff alone made it a masterpiece.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...

er . . anonymous

Thanks for the praise. But wodehousian is a bit much!

Keep dropping in. Thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

Ravi Shastri also said "Arun Lal is short man". You missed that.

Victor said...

Keep writing; don't stop till the World Cup is over. Such cricketing gems will be frequently dispersed by Indian (and a few English, SA and Aussie) commentating demons, who will be at their peak form on their home grounds.