Saturday, June 09, 2007

Tamil Nadu Government Implements 'Cooling Glass' Rule For Motorists, Pedestrians.

by Anand Ramachandran, who can't ride a bike.

Hot on the heels of the controversial 'Helmet Rule' which forces motorcyclists in Tamil Nadu to wear helmets or risk being fined, the state Chief Minister Dr.M.Karunanidhi has announced a novel 'Cooling Glass' rule to protect citizens' eyes from the harsh summer sun.

According to the new ruling, all motorists and pedestrians in Chennai, Coimbatore and other major cities in Tamil Nadu will have to compulsorily wear what the Government refers to as 'Cooling Glasses'. “Cooling Glasses are great! They protect your eyes, and chicks can't tell if you're staring at them. Ask me, I should know!”, chuckled Dr.Karunanidhi, displaying his renowned wit once more.

As seen in this picture of three of Tamil Nadu's most beloved leaders, "Cooling Glasses" are very much a part of Tamil culture.

The public, predictably, have reacted with outrage, saying that forcing them to wear 'Cooling Glasses' is akin to taking away their basic freedom, and their fundamental right to be unreasonable assholes. “First helmets. Now cooling glasses. What next? Will they force us to brush our teeth in the morning to promote dental hygiene? Pah!”, yelled a thick-set man with yellow teeth, quickly and efficiently dispersing the crowd that had gathered around him in order to get on TV.

However, some intellectuals have welcomed the move, claiming that it was a necessary step in order to safeguard and promote Tamil culture. “Tamil Nadu has the unique distinction of having been ruled for over thirty years by guys permanently wearing coolers. So this is very much a part of Tamil ethos”, said noted Tamil scholar Vinay Nilakantan, before yelling “Long Live Classical Divine Tamil! Whack! Whack! Kalaignar!”, for reasons known only to himself.

Police have already swung into action, stopping and fining offenders for ignoring the rule. They have also been severe on miscreants who insisted on using words like 'shades', 'goggles' or 'sunglasses' instead of the approved Tamil “ Cooling Glass” or “Coolers”. “Dai! Thamizhla paesuda! Paartha padichavan maadhiri irruke!”, thundered a traffic cop to a hapless young man passing by.

H.K.L.Bhagat, were he living in Tamil Nadu today, would pose a tricky problem for the traffic cops.

Apparently, some enterprising but mischievous elements have already begun confusing the traffic police by wearing one-sided cooling glasses, inspired by former Congress party leader H.K.L.Bhagat. “We don't know what to do with these 'Bhagat' cases – this isn't covered in the rules.”, mused a policeman, before brightening up and exclaiming “Wait! I know! Let's just arrest every alternate offender! Yay! Problem solved!”.

“I'm not sure about the benefits. But now people are going to have difficulty recognizing each other on the streets. Everybody knows that cooling glasses are the most effective disguise known to man – as ably demonstrated by MGR and Superstar several times.”, quipped renowned wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, removing his coolers so that reporters could recognize him. He was proved right just a few moments later when some enthusiastic young dancers mistook a nearby Autorickshaw driver for P.Diddy, and begged him for 'chance'.

Comedian Kumarimuthu has been granted exemption from the 'Cooling Glass' rule on the grounds that his eyes cannot possibly be worsened by the sun in any way. However, some persons have submitted a petition in court asking for him to be brought under the rules to protect the general public from having to look at his eyes, a potentially harmful activity.

Apparently, the only person exempt from the rule is cine-comedian Kumarimuthu, as the Government has admitted that there is nothing much to be gained by protecting his eyes anyway.