Saturday, March 10, 2007

Rexona to sponsor cricket 'Underarm World Cup'.

by Anand Ramachandran, who bowls a rather deceptive underarm googly.

World famous deodorant brand Rexona has announced that they will be sponsoring cricket's first 'Underarm World Cup' to be held in early 2008.

“Since we've always been closely associated with underarms, we felt that this would be a great way for our brand to be associated with the game of cricket.”, said an overpaid, slightly balding MBA representing the company.

Teams competing in the tournament will have to bowl only underarm deliveries, unlike in regular cricket matches. The ICC will temporarily alter the rules for the duration of the tournament, so that the matches would count as official ODIs, and everyone would make lots of money.

Apart from the major cricket playing nations, the ICC also plans to include teams from cricketing minnows such as Togo, The Solomon Islands, Mexico, Tajikistan and even from countries such as Synfravia and The United Republic of Firosco, which do not actually exist. “Wherever there are underarms, there's a neat profit to be made”, said Lalit Modi, quite accurately, and out of turn as usual.

Players from Synfravia and The United Republic of Firosco at a practice match to prepare themselves for the Underarm World Cup, from which they will make quick exits when they are hopelessly outclassed by sides like South Africa and Sri Lanka.

“Yay!”, said India coach Greg Chappell. “Being the only coach with actual experience in underarm cricket, I can be assured of success!”, signing off with an evil laugh, and giving hope to a billion Indians (a number hotly disputed by Nirmal Shekhar).

“Yippee!”, said Lasith Malinga. “My action will finally look acceptable! Too bad I can't say the same about my hairstyle!”, he said, displaying a refreshing sense of self-deprecating humour.

“We have to believe in ourselves. We have to perform to potential. Maximum retail price $112/- in the USA and Canada only.”, said New Zealand captain Stephen Fleming, reading out random bits from his favourite self-improvement book.

“This is the stupidest idea ever. What next? Single side stumping? Full covering? ”, quipped a characteristically sceptical Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, inadvertently giving the ICC a few more bad ideas to implement.

Rexona has also announced plans to shoot several new distasteful and annoying commercials showing how the deodorant could help players 'appeal with confidence' – which will be screened with maddening regularity during the telecast.

One of the advertisements from Rexona's new cricket based campaign, featuring the underarms of champion spinner Anil Kumble.

In Chennai, a few men have filed a suit in the High Court, claiming that the tournament organisers had stolen the idea from an obscure game they called 'crocker'. When asked to wait outside the courtroom for a few minutes, they screamed “No waits in crocker!” in unison, before frantically running off sideways.

Sanka graphics will be the associate sponsor of the tournament, for some strange reason.