Sunday, October 28, 2007

Al-Quaeda to acquire distribution rights for Vista Home Basic :

In a spine chilling twist to the whole war against terror, it has been reported that there is now conclusive evidence that Microsoft may have actually sold distribution rights for their most dreaded piece of code yet –Vista Home Basic – to the Al Quaeda.

The report has had member countries of the UN, NATO, Commonwealth and The ICC scrambling for their remote controls to see how this will affect world peace and ad revenues. Vista Home Basic has already rendered 87,000 people in Georgia homeless, turned 16 high school teachers into binary digits, incited a typhoon just outside Tokyo and has generally upped the increased the risk of cardiac arrest of over the 200 million users by 47%.

Relatives and friends of Vista users are reportedly suffer from what is being termed Operating System Backlash Suffering & Anguish (OSYBSA) caused by having to listen to millions of sob stories the answer to all of which seems to be “then why don’t you switch to Macs”. This of course does not apply to world famous wildlife photographer and Mac owner S.U.Saravannakumar whose reply was just a beatific smile.

Apparently, the Al-Quaeda has been priming its entire network just to go retail for some time now. “Our 3 pronged strategy is to first promote piracy, then make everyone buy vista, and then when they come crawling back to our call centers with their wimpy complaints of CTS, memory loss and nose bleeds just by trying to connect to wireless networks… that’s when we’ll unleash true terror”, said spokesperson Alstand Atiz, as he herded another 400 call center guys into a small metal room with the Manhattan skyline wallpapered all over it.

Al-Quaeda apparently have already been ‘talking’ to several manufacturers informing them that very soon their products will have to come bundled with the killer OS which makes Anthrax seem as fearsome as an 80’s thrash metal band. It is rumoured that soon even basic devices like Televisions, Toasters, Epilators and Thermos Flasks will become OS driven. “Talk to Osama” is the only answer you get from all Al Quaeda’s call centers in response to further questions in this regard.

Investigations have also revealed that Microsoft has been aiding Al Quaida build a strong base for their terror wars since the days of Windows ME. This reporter was unable to get any interviews as all the people to whom the name was mentioned promptly fainted. To add more fuel to the scandal being known as BillGate, there is also further evidence of the deal in the way the rampaging California fires chose to leave house of the cruel dictator alone.

It is also being speculated that the IRA was contemplating buying the controlling stake in Corel Draw but that story just refused to get funny.


Anonymous said...

Great to see you back, Anand. And with a mighty bang!! Could you add me to your blogroll? I have added yours.

Nice new articles. Sparkling wit as usual :-D

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...


Thanks for the comment. Blogroll coming right up.

Anand Ramachandran's Evil Twin said...


Hi da machan.

AXE 316 said...

hahaha - brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Thanks. By the way, I also write satire after being inspired by your blog. Have you read my latest satire piece?

I hope you find them funny.

Anonymous said...

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee keep it going! We just love it!

yezdi said...

It is hillarious....wonder if you wrote it or is it some sort of research

Anonymous said...

Wow! I especially loved the pun on Osibissa - don't tell me you used to watch Eurotops on Doordarshan way back in the '80s :)

Unknown said...

osybsa is the best yet! ah! bbc radio & doordarshan of the eighties!

... said...

@ yezdi, thanks mate. the only research involved was actually having to experience the nightmare they call Vista! gah!

And a good old fashioned 'Kickapoo' to Sowmya... Osibisa rocks! (rocked?)

AXE 316 said...

Vista rockz!!

AXE out.

Baby Vaijayanti and Puppy Manohar said...

Dear Sir,

There seems to be a strong corelation between Pwnage and Macusage.

Though this statement lacks substantial evidence, I believe I will do some research on it. Thank you for making me realize this.

I am a mac user too. alas it is a good old ibook

Alas, Counterstrike does'nt work on MAC OSX. bastiges.

Dr. Macarand Macija Mrs.
"he Mac arena"
P.S: If yes, then it will soon be banned as Chomsky notes, any substance's usage if class related, gets banned.

Jugular Bean said...

No new post-a?

Prashanth Nuggehalli Srinivas said...

Brilliant brand of humour!

byker7 said...

The IRA buying the controlling stake in Corel Draw was not worthy of reportage?

What would the Dyspeptic-Dastards-of-the-Dubious-Divisional-IRA say? Who will now take up their lamented cause?

Gerry Adams?

Surely you jest.