by Anand Ramachandran, who approves of adoption, adolescence, and Angelina Jolie.
In a sudden surprise move, a 12 year old boy from Chirala village in Andhra Pradesh, India has announced that he will be adopting 'Tomb-Raider' actress Angelina Jolie as his mother.
P.G.Vilash, a student of standard seven belonging to a lower middle class family, has successfully convinced the adoption authorities that it would be greatly beneficial to his lifestyle if he were to adopt the wealthy, world-famous Hollywood superstar as his adoptive parent.
“I hear that Ms.Jolie is a great fan of adoption, that too involving children from what she perceives as third-world countries. Hence we expect no problems from her side.”, said Vilash's father Victor Prasad Rao. “Hooray! Finally I'll be rid of the snot-nosed brat and his hideous Pokemon collection.”, added a jubilant Mr.Rao, offering to take all the reporters gathered to the beach as a special treat.
“Watch out, Maddox, here I come!”, giggled an excited Vilash. “Goodbye SodexHo passes! Goodbye BSA-SLR! Hello Private Jet! Hello Beyonce!”, he exclaimed, punching his fist in the air, and behaving eerily like the mechanics from 'Pimp My Ride'.
|A nervous Brad Pitt tries to prevent Angelina Jolie from going 'Tomb Raider' on her children for watching too much TV.|
Apparently, a letter has already been sent to Ms.Jolie informing her of the developments. Its contents are reproduced below.
Hope you are well, and have survived the events of 'Mr and Mrs. Smith'. This is to convey the good news that, beginning the 9th of November, 2007, you will be the adoptive mother of P.G.Vilash, aged twelve, from Chirala, India.
No doubt you will be delighted to hear this, as we are told that you prefer adopted children to even your own. Vilash is a studious, well behaved child who will benefit greatly from being a part of your globetrotting, extravagant, lifestyle, something he could never hope for in a random dump like Chirala.
We are confident that you and Mr.Brad Pitt will be able to provide Vilash with all that a needy child really wants – access to wild backstage parties, a really big Plasma TV, a chance to sit on Beyonce's lap – you get the general idea.
Thanks for, and looking forward to your continued support.
Yours very sincerely,
P.S. Loved you in 'Gia'. Woo-Hoo.
“I love Indian kids, and my support for adoption is well documented, but this is a bit much!”, said a visibly flustered Ms.Jolie. “ Besides, I'm not used to handling children without an 'x' or 'z' in their names!”, she added, trying desperately to wriggle out of the situation.
“Er . . what if we change his name to Xerxes? Or Zapata? Or maybe Xrinivasan ?” offered Ms.Jolie's partner Brad Pitt helpfully, earning a cold glare for his efforts at trying to solve the problem.
Despite Ms.Jolie's reluctance, and her lethargy in responding positively to the offer, Vilash and his family are preparing in full swing for his departure. Sources have revealed that some of them are currently drafting a proposal for a Jolie-sponsored family holiday in the Bahamas.
“I'm sure that Vilash will not be distracted by the wild parties at idyllic pacific resorts, choice gourmet food, next-gen videogames and a non-stop supply of hot teenaged groupies – and will fulfill our family's dream of becoming an IAS officer.”, said his uncle Visesh Rao. “Er . . or, at least, appearing for the exams.”, he corrected hurriedly, realizing the improbability of his previous utterance.
|Child prodigy Budhia Singh sprints to catch the deadline for filling applications to adopt Madonna.|
“What next? Maybe Budhia Singh should adopt Rihanna. Or Maybe I should adopt Ali Larter!”, quipped renowned Wildlife Photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, with a knowing wink, before abruptly setting off for some frenzied googling.
Though public reaction has been mixed, reliable sources inform us that the editor of The Deccan Chronicle has been admitted to the hospital with a rare case of extreme anticipatory euphoria.