Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Man mistakenly bites into pumpkin thinking it was potato.

by Anand Ramachandran, who feels the pain that can be caused by a well-disguised Pumpkin in Avial.

Sankalesh Jimmy, a resident of Chennai, had a disconcerting experience today when he sank his teeth into what he thought was a potato – only to find that it was a yechchy piece of pumpkin.

Sankalesh Jimmy, photographed shortly after his Avial misadventure, and shortly before berating his mother (not in picture)

“Eeeyyyyuck!”, said Jimmy. “What’s the scene?”, he added, grimacing at the unpleasant surprise.

All was well until Jimmy decided that he would sample some of his Mom’s Avial. He wisely decided to start with the double-beans, work his way through the carrots, and finally build up to a culinary crescendo by taking a grand chomp out of one of the delicious potatoes. “ It was a sound plan on paper, but any experienced hand knows that even the best laid plans can go haywire.”, said wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, inching ahead of G.Venket Ram once again.

“The fault lies with Jimmy’s mother.”, said Bindhumalini Narayanaswamy, the world’s leading Avial critic, grinning widely for no reason. “ Everyone knows that when you put both potatoes and pumpkins in Avial (which is most of the time), you must cut them differently so that people can tell the difference. Mrs.Jimmy has evidently ignored this technique, hence the trouble.”, she concluded.

In order to compete with Chennai’s other humour magazine, The Deccan Chronicle, we will now make a needless mention of Angelina Jolie and her four year old son Maddox.

In a separate incident, Maarten Visser of Holland reportedly bit into a piece of Green Chilli, mistaking it for a bean.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

BPO boom spurs 'Afternoon Disco' revival in Chennai

by Anand Ramachandran, ending a long silence for no reason at all.

The rapid fire growth of the BPO sector in Chennai has had a pleasant and surprising side effect – the re-opening of several of the cities world-famous 'Afternoon Discos'.

Several Chennai partygoers and Deccan Chronicle photographers perform the enviable feat of dancing the night away - at 2.15 in the afternoon.
“Since most people at BPOs work night shifts, we see a great growth potential in what we call 'Afternoon Nightclubs'. The clubs will provide a place where young people can dance badly, act idiotic and be mildly disoriented by the sunlight when they leave.”, said Shaikh Mohsin, one of the city's leading afternoon disco experts. “But the crowd will come only by 3.30”, he added with a wink.

Several of the city's people are thrilled with the news. “Yiipppeeeeee!!!!!! I can't wait to go dancing immediately after lunch. Reminds me of the good old days at 'Palambas' and 'Socko'”, said Mansi Gandhi of Annanagar, going all misty-eyed.

Though many people mock the idea, it has its supporters. “I don't see why not. If we can have evening colleges and night bazaars, why can't there be afternoon nightclubs?” asked wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar, not yet back from his holiday in the United States.

Not to be outdone, the city police department has swung into action, shifting the hours of 'untime' (a concept that most Chennaiites know and love) from the wee hours of the morning to between 5 and 7.30 p.m.. “Thank God. Now we can finish off our night duty and be back home by 8.30, in time to watch 'Selvi'. Yay!” cheered hundreds of cops.

Interestingly, the city's glitterati are extremely uncomfortable with the word 'Afternoon Disco'. “We need to call them something else. Maybe 'Noonclubs'? . . .” trailed off Kaveri Lalchand, who ought to know better.

Man Temporarily Inspired by 'Rang De Basanti'

Bipin Das, a resident of Nungambakkam, was temporarily transformed into a chest-thumping, fire-breathing uber-patriot for a period of seventeen minutes after watching the hit film 'Rang De Basanti' last week. Sources reveal that Das left the cinema hall with a distinct swagger, sneering at fellow theatre-goers wearing branded foreign clothes and making mental notes to hoist a tricolour atop his terrace. He also seemed mildly guilty for his erstwhile support for evil western forces such as Manchester United and ZZTop.

Fortunately for his family and friends, however, the effects wore off a few minutes later, somewhere between Alwarpet and T.Nagar. He is reportedly back to normal, watching M.A.S.H reruns and hiding naughty pictures of Jenna Jameson under his bed. Er . . . normal for him, that is.