Customers of leading low-cost carrier Air Deccan were in for a rude shock when the flight from Chennai to Bangalore was unexpectedly cancelled – in mid-air.
“Attention Passengers”, came the announcement “ Air Deccan regrets to announce that this flight stands cancelled due to technical reasons. We regret the inconvenience”, much to the consternation of all those on board. All passengers were then requested to leave the aircraft, and make alternative arrangements. Complicating matters, while insisting that the passengers de-plane in mid-air so that repairs could be carried out, the crew refused to provide parachutes, jetpacks, or even ladders, sparking off angry reactions.
“We're a low cost carrier. Passengers have no business demanding fancy extras like parachutes, which are an extra cost on our airline – just like mineral water, air-conditioning, and general assistance!”, said a company spokesman, from a secret hideout located at 69, Venkatesan Street, Chennai-17.
“They have no business leaving us in the lurch”, said irate passenger Tariq Akbar, suddenly lurching forward due to turbulence.
“Why is there no responsible official from Air Deccan here answering our questions? There should be some accountability! Ridiculous! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah . . . . . “, said Nandini Reddy, before making an unintentional exit from the aircraft.
|Air Deccan's flight attendant dives out of the plane, preferring death over dealing with irate passengers (in hot pursuit)|
“I don't see what's the reason to complain! We provide lousy service at very reasonable rates, while other airlines charge heavily for the same thing!”, said Capt.C.R.Gopinath, quite reasonably. “We want to ensure that every Indian has the opportunity to experience the annoyances and inconveniences of air travel that have until now been the privilege of the wealthy.”, he added, lapsing into nonsense once more. He also expressed irritation that most people seemed to wrongly pronounce his carrier's name as Air-Dec-Khan (Rhymes with Shah-Rukh-Khan. Try it – Air-Dec-Khan, Shah-Ruk-Khan, Air-Dec-Khan, Shah-Rukh-Khan. See, it's fun!)
“Low cost carriers are cheating the public, ruining the aviation business, and, most importantly, taking away all our market share!”, yelled an angry Vijay Mallya, revealing the true reasons behind his well-publicized dislike for Air Deccan. “More Beer! More Beer!”, he added, jumping up and down waving his hands maniacally.
Wildlife photographer S.U.Saravanakumar provided the sole voice of reason. “People should realize that Shatabdi is only best. There has never been a major disaster on any Shatabdi to date, not counting P.C.Ramakrishna letting off about the culture of Chennai over the P.A.”, he quipped with a wink.