Sports blader Charu Sharma continues his inexorable march towards complete baldness – his hairline has reportedly receded for the ninth consecutive year.
“There is no change in the trend, I'm afraid”, confirmed Dr. Prabhak Muneeswath of Lots of Stupid Scientists (LOSS), the organization that monitors Sharma's follicle activity (or lack thereof). “The subject's hairline has receded by about 12.8mm in the year 2004-2005.”
This means that the downward trend shown by Sharma's hairline now qualifies for the downward trend hall of fame – along with Daler Mehndi's career, the TV ratings for the UGC programme, Aishwarya Rai's fashion sense, and V.P.Singh's relevance in national politics.
|A close scrutiny of the comparative hairlines of Charu Sharma and Ustad Zakir Hussain reveals why they will never trade shampoo tips.|
“What it means is that . . . . “, he continued, being rudely interrupted by Sharma, who proceeded, as usual, to take control of the conversation.
“So I guess there's no chance of winning the Zakir Hussain look-alike contest this year, eh Doc?”, quipped the rapidly balding TV anchor, winking repeatedly to press home the joke. “Of course, not. Well, then, I guess I'll have to try for the Darth Maul look-alike contest then. Yippeee!!!!”, he mused, as always answering his own question before anyone else could get a word in.
|Sharma poses with his lightsaber (not in picture) and millions of screaming fans (also not in picture) before the Darth Maul look-alike contest.|
Tom Alter and Dr. Narottam Puri have welcomed the development, saying “ If he goes completely bald, then maybe DD will drop him, and we can again become India 's leading TV blades . Hip! Hip! Hoo . . . no, wait . . . we didn't say Three Cheers . . . .”, they trailed off.
Sharma, however, is confident, that hair loss will not cost him his job with the national broadcaster. “We've seen commentators have long careers with DD despite having far greater flaws – lack of intelligence, sporting silly beards, and having names like Kini Lal. I'm not worried.”, he said, sensibly. “I'm more worried about my chubby cheeks and mild double chin”, he added, drawing attention to two of his many other defects.
When asked for his comments, fellow irritating commentator Kris Srikkanth said “Hahahahahahahahahahaha”, before lapsing into some nonsense which we cannot publish here because we don't have a font that can simultaneously display Hindi, Tamil, Crappy English and Nasal Contortions.
Other world-famous bald guys like Kevin Spacey, Vin Diesel and Gopi Gopalan were too busy to comment
Alarmingly, women have not been frenziedly throwing themselves at Sharma – thus disproving the fondly held belief that chicks dig bald guys.