Friday, August 05, 2005

She's Always Miss Oommen to Me

by Anand Ramachandran, who insists that his old schoolmates will recognize the inspiration for this nonsense.

Ever had a teacher who made you regret the day you stupidly agreed to join school ? Never fear, we all have. However, the friendly folks at bosey have decided that it's time to get our own back. So, if you were one of those poor saps who was made to stand up on the bench for not keeping your pencil-box clean, lift up your voice and sing along (to the tune of Billy Joel's 'Always a Woman') . . .

She can begin your day with a casual good morning

She can ruin your day if she catches you yawning

You thought that you’d lost her when you left 7B

Yet she drones on and on,

Yes she’s always Miss Oommen to me.

She’ll ask you a question when you least expect one

Before you can mumble she’ll ask you the next one

“Off to detention” she’ll say, full off glee

Althought she's quite married

She’s always Miss Oommen to me.

Oh – she’s not very cool. And she’s nothing like hot.

She’s got grades on her mind.

Oh – she’s in every school. And she’s in every class.

She’s not one of her kind.

She knows all the answers to all of the questions

She clearly remembers all your transgressions

She’ll never even let you leave class for a pee

She acts like Pol Pot

But she’s always Miss Oommen to me.

Oh – she’s out for your blood. She can blade if she wants.

To the power of nine.

Oh – she’s in every school. And she’s in every class.

She’s not one of her kind.

She's frequently cruel

And she’s suddenly crueler.

She’ll smack your knuckles with a heavy steel ruler.

She’ll frighten you now and for eternity

Her friends call her Liz,

But she’s always Miss Oommen to me.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anand Ramachandran said...

That comment wins the just-constituted award for weirdest comment of all time.

Anonymous said...

Our teachers probably have a course in their BEd curriculum that teaches them phrases like "Stand up on the bench", "On your knuckles", "Kneel Down", "Class Leader, mind the class". And agonizing punishment like Imposition - writing a stupid sentence over & over again until the students truly cease to believe in it. Which is probably why I always will bite my nails.

Too bad you guys already wrote a piece on Bappi Lahiri. You could've used 'Piano Man' to eulogize Bappida's three pianos that were lost to the Mumbai floods. Ayyo Paavam!

Camphor said...

Woohoo. Someone directed me to this blog, and I am so glad I came. Hilarious spoof. :P I think I'll visit more often now.

Psst... that was an Ad. Most of us just delete it, and you go give it an award. What'd you think you were doing, huh? Setting a terrible example, you are.

Oh, have you had the teacher who told you - 'open the window and let the atmosphere come in'?

Anand Ramachandran said...


Thanks for dropping by.

What?!! You've NEVER heard of advertising awards where they sing the praises of crummy promotional content? You need to get around, girl.

"Let the atmosphere come in!" EVERY school has one - i think it's in the national education guidelines to hire one such, or they won't give you a license.

Anonymous said...

And, there always is an English teacher who quips, " I have 2 daughters and both are girls."

Anonymous said...


You guys rock...

Do you guys still play underarm cricket on top with those rules that were kept for me ( 3 times in the body = out)

Warm Regards


Anoopa Anand said...

Most Outstanding.

shivamit said...

Found your blog while googling for Vijaykanth photos. This should keep me entertained for a while...

Good job and keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Wow. And I thought Billy Joel must be turning in his grave! This is so good, that I think he'd probably say the same thing too, had he known better.

Anonymous said...

Simply tooo good.

sathish said...

good one...

and there is always a teacher who says - "both of you three.."

The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

you guys are brilliant

wendigo said...

lovely poem

and what's underarm cricket? sounds painful

Vinod Sankar said...

hey anand,
just curious. which school did you go to?? coz i had a teacher by the same name too!

Subramaniam Avinash said...

can i also write
with you
guys for the son of bosey?

Subramaniam Avinash said...

"Saurav Challenges Chappell to game of Pool! Asks Jaggu to be Match referee."

Gayatri said...

And there's a pt master who says, "all of you stand in a straight circle" :D

Anonymous said...

dropped in for the first time and caught myself reading "in tune". very funny stuff.

note to self: add to favourites

Jake said...

hilarious !

good work chaps.

Anonymous said...

And I thought bosey was dead. Even wasted a couple of weeks in mourning. I saw a link to this on a friend's blog; great to know you guys are back in action!

Mama said...

i got to read ur "ambi" blog today and its absolutely hilarious. esp. chandroo bit. you guys rock.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back Bosey! We missed you.

Anonymous said...

Correct the link. It's now.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Wow. And I thought Billy Joel must be turning in his grave! This is so good, that I think he'd probably say the same thing too, had he known better.

2:48 PM

AIYO RAMA!!! pls dont kill off billy joel!

Vaibhav said...


More!!! More!! we must have more!

her said...

Guess what..

I have a really sweet teacher by that name...She is nothing like you have described..Her name is Ms.Susan Oomen..

This certainly reminds me of some other Medusas I have had for teachers though.. :p

Anonymous said...

Hey... this was brilliant, and I've been checking for updates since... time for another don't you think!

Anonymous said...

Checked your site (what else?) and loved it. And loved the pungent, kaanda articles too. You can also look up Jack Handy to get some quotes (aptly called Deep Thoughts)in the same league. e.g.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.


Anonymous said...


sac said...

heeeeyyy... it's "Freaky Anand"!!!! good to see Bosey is still alive.. well, if you would update it, good sir.. cheers - S

George Bernard Waah! said...

I have never heard of miss oommen. i have never heard of bad teachers. I have never believed in mocking teachers. I have never wavered from vatha, pitha, guru, dwaitham.